TRAVEL INDUSTRY:

The Bug’s finance and investment columnist is being quizzed by corporate watchdogs and health authorities about claims he makes in a prospectus seeking to raise funds for a new “giga” cruise ship to ply Australian and South Pacific waters.

Speaking to reporters outside his Brisbane office, Mr Bezzle (pictured above) said he had been inspired to enter the cruise industry by news of the new “mega” cruise ship, the Icon of the Seas, which its owner Royal Caribbean Cruises describes as the world’s largest with 20 decks accommodating 10,000 passengers.

“As soon as I read that I just knew there was a quid or two, if not squillions, to be made in cruising now that we’ve all come to our senses and ended all that silly overkill about a measly little virus that shut down the industry and most of the world’s economy, and killed a few million,” Mr Bezzle said.

“But then just yesterday I read about another cruise ship, the Majestic Princess, sailing towards Sydney with a few hundred COVID cases on board.

“So I rapidly adjusted my prospectus to guarantee my new ship can meet that ongoing challenge facing the cruising industry.”

The prospectus formally issued by Morrison Edison Phar Lap Ponzi Bezzle of no fixed age or address, said the design of his proposed ship, the Pandemic Princess, had been inspired by “the home of good design, Las Vegas”. (main picture)

“It will incorporate a version of the very tasteful New York New York casino hotel as the upper decks of my ship which means my ship will have 40 decks, twice the number of the Royal Caribbean’s dinghy,” he said.

“While having twice the space, my ship will be able to accommodate three times the number of people as the Icon of the Seas.”

Mr Bezzle was quick to explain that his claim of being able to carry 30,000 people on his ship had sparked investigations by the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission, the Australian Securities and Investments Commission, and all federal and state health departments.

“Those shiny-arse pen pushers, as usual, don’t believe a word uttered by a hardworking small business operator like me,” he said.

“I’ve explained to them very simply that the prospectus clearly states that my ship will fit 30,000 people. It doesn’t say they’d all be alive.

“I’ve designed the Pandemic Princess with COVID in mind so its lifeboats – which let’s face it are just another manifestation of the type of red tape that adds to the cost of projects by visionary entrepreneurs like me – can double as outdoor morgues.

“I’ve done the sums and I reckon we can cram up to 10,000 bodies into the lifeboats, allowing us to take on new passengers during a cruise to replace the dead’uns.

“But oh no! As usual the obstructionist eggheads in ASIC, the ACCC, and in health departments won’t have a bar of it. Typical!

“But I’ll persevere and if I have to, I’ll be slinging a few quid to the right people to float my boat.

“Maybe you shouldn’t print that last bit,” Mr Bezzle said before walking away quickly.