Business as usual for Biden

WASHINGTON: News that US President Joe Biden is maintaining his usual level of activity after being diagnosed with the COVID virus has caused concern throughout his Democratic Party as the mid-term elections approach in November.

A White House spokesperson said Mr Biden and his staff undergo routine COVID tests and the President began isolating after returning a positive result.

“The other day the President’s senior staff noticed he was walking unsteadily, clearly having trouble concentrating, and was falling asleep in a series of Oval Office meetings,” the spokesperson said.

“They also noticed that when he was awake he was slurring his words and showing great difficulty in forming coherent sentences.

“So it was business as usual really, and they saw no cause for concern.

“But a regular COVID test yesterday revealed the President had the virus, so he went straight to his private quarters in the White House where he is relaxing and is maintaining his usual work routine.” (main picture)

“Thankfully, the President is double-vacced and double boosted so he’s showing absolutely no signs whatsoever of COVID infection.”

Still, sources within the Democratic Party have expressed concern after being advised of the President’s diagnosis.

“Many of us were hopeful that even mild but obvious symptoms of COVID – a persistent cough, a runny nose, anything really – might have masked his other on-going problems if only for a short while,” one member of Congress said on condition of anonymity.


NEW YORK: Former President Donald Trump has sparked controversy with his appearance at the funeral of his former wife Ivana at a New York City church.

Mr Trump attended the funeral with his current wife Melania and their son Barron.

A source who was also at the funeral but wished to remain anonymous said Mr Trump surprised the crowd by just being there but also with his speech to mourners.

“Those of us who knew Ivana well really didn’t expect Donald to turn up, but he did,” the source said.

“We were mildly surprised when he chose to address the congregation.

“But what we really didn’t expect was for him to deliver a 47-minute tirade from the pulpit denouncing Joe Biden’s theft of the 2020 election.

“We were also a bit shocked that he didn’t mention Ivana once in his speech and ended it by throwing  red Make America Great Again caps into the congregation.

“I guess we should have known what we were in for when he was walking to the pulpit pointing to people in the pews he pretended to know, all to the tune of Macho Man by the Village People playing loudly through the church sound system,” the source said.


WASILLA, ALASKA: Former Alaska Governor and vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin says she is “darn tootin’ pleased” with the result she achieved in the first round of voting in the primary race for the Republican Party’s nomination for the state’s sole House of Representatives seat at the mid-term elections.

“I’m told I received 27% of total votes cast in the first primary round,” Ms Palin said.

“That’s a majority in anybody’s language so I don’t see why we need to go to a second round of voting.

“But if we do I’m sure I’ll double my share to 36% which will be a landslide, so Washington here I come!”