Dutton confronts the Russians

FEDERAL POLITICS:

Defence Minister Peter Dutton has taken the unusual step of calling in the Russian ambassador to Australia, Aleksey Pavlovsky, to berate him over Vladimir Putin’s threatening military manoeuvres on the Ukraine border.

Mr Dutton’s move is understood to have incensed Foreign Minister Marise Payne who would usually take the diplomatically extreme step of summoning a foreign ambassador – a move taken only when one nation wishes to express severe displeasure about another.

Mr Dutton defied the convention and had his department ask Mr Pavlovsky to attend the Minister’s office in Canberra.

There he was met by Mr Dutton who, dressed as a Cossack (main picture), performed a comical version of a traditional Russian dance while shouting abuse at Mr Pavlovsky and insulting Russia and the Russian people as “fat, hopeless, drunks, drug runners, white slave traffickers, and porn site peddlers”.

He stopped dancing after deliberately kicking over a large bowl of borscht, splattering Mr Pavlovsky’s trousers, and then used his foot to roll a vodka bottle in the ambassador’s direction, telling him: “You’ll want that for breakfast you dirty Commie bear-fucking bastard.”

Observers from the Department of Defence who were at the meeting said the ambassador maintained his calm throughout and refused to respond to the Minister’s taunts.

“Mr Pavlovsky politely thanked the Minister the meeting before he left,” a source who witnessed the encounter said on condition of anonymity.

“Once he was gone and because of the ambassador’s refusal to become upset, Mr Dutton became very agitated.”

The source said Mr Dutton yelled in a rhetorical fashion: “Who do you have to fuck to get a war around here?”

The Minister then said “time was running out” for Australia to start or join a war before the federal election campaign began.

“Those inscrutable oriental bastards in Beijing are not helping,” he yelled. “I’ve been up their ribs for months, but so far – nothing.

“Now when all the planets seem to align on the Ukraine border those beetroot-eating bastards in Moscow don’t rise to the bait. We’re running out of time for a khaki election.

“If this keeps up I‘m going to unilaterally declare war on some fucker. Maybe New Zealand. Yeah, fuck it. Let’s invade New Zealand.

“Where’s HMAS Adelaide right now?” he asked an aide who left the room in a hurry.