Boxing Day Test side axed!

The entire Australian men’s Test cricket team will miss the Boxing Day match after all players tested positive overnight to COVID-19.

It’s understood all players contracted the coronavirus during spirited celebrations that included plenty of man-hugs and some light kissing in darkened corners and which lasted until just before dawn at Adelaide Oval at the completion of the day-night, pink-ball match there.

On the eve of what is generally regarded as the test of the Australian summer, Cricket Australia has acted decisively and named the Brisbane St Jospeh’s Nudgee Boys College Year 12 A-grade side to take on England in Melbourne tomorrow.

Online bookies reacted quickly to the news, with their odds of a home-side victory – and with it the retention of the Ashes – softening slightly from 6-4 to 2-1. England’s chances improved marginally, coming in from 8-1 to 6-1.

STOP PRESS: England’s odds have blown out again to 10-1 after news emerged that Nudgee College, in the Blessed Edmund Rice tradition, has elevated to its senior side emerging lower-grades talent, speedster Ed Kasprowicz, son of Lindsay Kasprowicz.