PM designs fundraising push


Prime Minister Scott Morrison has personally drafted a new Liberal Party merchandising initiative in the wake of this week’s update of the nation’s financial position.

The mid-year economic and fiscal outlook (MYEFO) delivered by Treasurer Josh Frydenberg forecasts the COVID-19 pandemic-induced federal deficit to be $99.2 billion for 2021-22, down from a previously projected $106.6 billion.

The MYEFO also contained $16 billion in “decisions taken but not yet announced” – terminology that usually identifies funds available for big-ticket election promises.

A Liberal Party source said the bucket of money would allow Mr Morrison to make a string of promises in the coming federal campaign.

“The $16 billion Josh outlined includes $5.5 billion this financial year and $4.1 billion in 2022-23,” the source said.

“So there’s a shitload of taxpayers’ cash the PM can promise to return to them in major projects, provided they live in targeted marginal seats of course. And vote the right way, of course.”

The source said Mr Morrison had immediately seen an opportunity in the MYEFO results for the Liberal Party to boost its fundraising merchandising efforts.

“Being a gold-standard marketing genius, the PM has come up with a new spin on the Back in Black coffee mugs (pictured) which the party was marketing after the 2019 federal budget,” the source said.

“You may recall that the PM, as a marketing genius, developed the mug idea to mark the forecast return to surplus of the federal budget for the first time since 2007-08.

“But it all went pear-shaped and the mugs were withdrawn once the pandemic hit and the whole budget turned to shit.

“But as soon as he saw the latest MYEFO stats and the $16 billion in potential campaign promises, the PM – being a marketing genius – sat down and personally designed a new Uncork the Pork mug (main picture) which the party will be selling online at $29.99 to raise campaign funds.

“We hope to make a shitload and once again it’ll all be due to the PM. Did I mentioned he was a  marketing genius?” the source said.