Gladys rethinks briefings


NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has revised her plan to cancel daily media briefings on the COVID-19 pandemic following a blistering phone call from Prime Minister Scott Morrison.

But Ms Berejiklian will still not be returning to face a daily media grilling despite Mr Morrison telling her he was concerned about her being overshadowed by the spokesperson engaged by NSW Health, former boxer Milo Kerrigan, known affectionately as “the brownish bomber”. (main picture)

It is believed that senior NSW Health bureaucrats picked Mr Kerrigan to deliver today’s briefing in the belief that he would appear obviously out of his depth, therefore forcing the Premier to return to present daily briefings.

Mr Kerrigan fronted today’s briefing and gave media representatives full details of the latest figures on overnight deaths, testing numbers and results

He opened by saying: “Fnnnur, fnnur, shazzut pllep, pllep.” He then referred to a PowerPoint screen containing the latest NSW Health data only to have it malfunction and instead screen some of his old holiday snaps.

Mr Kerrigan then called for questions and responded in the same manner to each one – giving a wide-eyed puzzled look, swivelling his head from side to side, and uttering: “Fnarr bukelly, fnarr bukelly. Hooja lup lup loola goo.”

After calling an end to the briefing Mr Kerrigan attempted to exit the briefing room only to open the door of a cleaner’s closet and have several mops and brooms fall on him. He then sidled sideways out of the room while throwing punches at imaginary opponents.

But despite the aims of the bureaucrats a senior NSW Government source said the plan had backfired.

“It seems Prime Minister Scott Morrison was watching the briefing live in Canberra and was on the phone to the Premier even before it was over,” the source told The Bug.

“Apparently the PM told Gladys that he was mightily impressed with Milo’s effort. He told her that she could forget about being ‘the gold standard’ because Milo had just set ‘the platinum standard’ for media briefings.

“The PM conceded that Milo was more articulate, had a better grasp of the English language and better communication skills than he did.

“The PM told her he was concerned that if Milo was allowed to continue his magnificent work then she would be overshadowed and marginalised as Premier, possibly forever which would be politically fatal.”

The source said as a result of the PM’s call Ms Berejiklian had decided that daily briefings on the pandemic would resume but she would still not be appearing in person.

“Instead, media representatives will be invited to attend a daily briefing that will consist of just the AUSLAN interpreter and nobody else,” the source said. (pictured)

“This solves the Kerrigan problem for Gladys and still allows her to stick to her decision not to appear personally each day.”