Campbell’s chunky word soup success

The Bug has to admit it put the glasses down early when it came to picking the winner of the Media Glass House Arselicker of the Month Award for May.

And although that may seem a little unfair to excellent mainstream media entries later in the month that would normally have stood a very good chance of glory, we think you’d have to agree that James Campbell’s two-page vomitribe in the Sunday Herald-Sun of May 9 (above) saluted the judges with the home straight empty behind him.

So, get your vomit buckets ready because it’s all just gets queasier and queasier with even the intro sparking the first sour taste of an involuntary upchuck.

It was Beef Week in Rockhampton last week and Scott Morrison came to cook and to conquer.

Ruthhhhhhh!

Before we continue with Campbell’s chunderthon, what about that overall layout, huh?

GET USED TO FORTRESS AUSTRALIA (all in chunky reverse overlaid on the Australian flag)

And …. Life on board the Scomo charm express

There’s a photo of ScoMo (Morrison’s own nickname for himself and one the Newscorpse shitoids use religiously) cracking a whip. There’s one of ScoMo talking to a Brahman bull. ScoMo watching a lady cut up meat. ScoMo as the barbecue tongmaster. Chatting to a business owner. And people generally. Laughing from his good side. ScoMo! ScoMo! ScoMo!

Before we return to Campbell’s glowing tribute to the Father of our Nation, just remember that this is all happening about the time that Morrison decided his best chance of re-election came if he emulated successful state an territory leaders and pretended to put people’s lives first. Hence Fortress Australia. Yes, the walls are well and truly up until the last vote is counted.

Now pull that bucket close as we return to Campbell’s colour piece. He points out that Morrison during Beef Week visited the three cities – Rockhampton, Cairns and Townsville – that are in seats that were crucial to his “miracle” win in 2019 before adding this….

“But after watching him interact with the voters, it’s clear his affection for regional Queensland goes beyond political gratitude for the role it played in keeping him in his job.

“He seems to draw energy from the friendly reception he gets.”

Yes, Campbell might be the only person in Australia who is amazed that a very conservative PM is being well-received amidst a throng of conservative country people. He seems stunned, almost, that Morrison, desperately seeking a reason for an early poll, came across as a nice guy. What, he should have presented an Allan Border “captain grumpy” persona?

Were they really bowled over by ScoMo’s charm express or was this really the first chance they’d got to thank him in person for saving their weekends and their petrol and diesel utes and trucks, their franking credits, to bless him for how he killed off other Labor policy threats such as the immediate closure of all coal mines in Australia, pensioner taxes, property taxes and crippling DEATH TAXES!

Back to Campbell again, his words flowing with creativity and colour, all reds and yellows and chunky like the contents of your bucket.

“… the picture that emerged over three days was of a man increasingly at ease with the world”.

Campbell does admit that the a lot of the Canberra media pack would have stories of Morrison’s prickliness over the years but concludes…”But the Morrison on display this week was a picture of bonhomie both with the public and the travelling media”.

Strangely, Campbell’s piece then starts to wilt, musing about who wore what during the trip.

He rebounds briefly with a list of the PM’s policy announcements, with one that “echoed the theme of the rest of the trip – security and protection”.

But then it’s back to blase. It’s almost as if Campbell has realised he might have gone a little over the top in telling us how wonderful Morrison is. Perhaps he was satisfied that his subliminal message – Albanese, give it away; you’re toast, mate – had cut through.

The rest of his piece reflects on a similar trip north just before 2019 polling day and some general waffle with how strange it is to fly around with the Prime Minister.

He concludes with this par on the Beef Week trip: “After three days of going at this pace, everyone was starting to wilt. It’s hard to imagine what it must be like doing this for an entire election.”

Everyone was started to wilt, James? Surely not everyone. We can read between your subtle little lines, kind cur.

One man not for wilting is the Father of our Nation, the Messiah from the Shire, the Master Marketer, the Charismatic Charmer who has everyone in his thrall.

Ruuthhhhhh!

EDITOR’S NOTE: To save our readers from needing two chuck buckets, we didn’t even mention Campbell’s side-bar story – PM to stay vigilant – over on the right of his two-page spread of ScoMo’s cheeks.