PM steps up to the plate


CANBERRA: Leaked emails from within the Prime Minister’s Office reveal just how seriously Scott Morrison is taking the threats to the very existence of his government from sexual assault allegations swirling around Parliament House.

“Tell the PM’s photographer to meet him down the beach at Bronte tomorrow (Sat) at 11am where he and Jen and the girls will be going for a dip,” was one email from one Morrison aide to another. (family outing pictured above)

“Check with Bunnings to see whether they’ve got some new flat-pack thing in that the PM could build for his two gorgeous and loving daughters,” was another email to one of the PMO’s underlings.

The PM’s demands for heightened exposure had grown steadily after the recent allegations that Liberal staffer Brittany Higgins had been raped on a couch in Defence Minister Linda Reynolds’ office in 2019 but have been dramatically escalated with news that one of his senior Cabinet ministers allegedly raped a 16-year-old girl in the late 1980s before entering Parliament.

“Do you think the public would appreciate the PM being shown getting his first COVID-19 vaccine again a few times in the coming week?” one PMO adviser asked his colleagues.

“Need someone to urgently send the beloved leader’s Sharkies jersey and his yellow sports shirt with the words AUS and ScoMo on the back out to the cleaners for some photographs midweek” was another internal email that sent a junior staffer rushing to the door.

“Check with Pastor Brian Houston to see if there’s a mid-week Hillsong service the PM and Mrs Morrison could be seen singing at” was another missive shown to The Bug.

“Who the fuck has removed that Sherrin Aussie rules ball from the Prime Minister’s desk?” another angry email declared. “We needed it yesterday!”