Aunties clash over Australia Day

Australia’s leading white indigenous woman Aunty Pauline has clashed with the Australian Broadcasting Corporation over its coverage of January 26 celebrations.

Aunty Pauline (pictured above) of the One Nation tribe on the remote Lockyer Valley white settlement in south-eastern Queensland labelled her television Aunty’s decision not to describe yesterday’s national holiday properly as White Australia Day “a disgraceful slur on her race and a complete misreading of the day’s history and meaning”.

“The ABC News Breakfast cohosts even went against accepted practice and called it Infection (sic) Day several times yesterday,” a furious Aunty Pauline told The Bug this morning.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body but I firmly believe January 26 marks the day back in 1788 when my non-indigenous white ancestors arrived at Circular Quay,” Aunty Pauline said in that shaky and nervous-sounding voice she always uses to make her mob think she’s just like one of them; just an average indigenous woman fighting well above her weight on their behalf.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body but as Prime Minister Scott Morrison has rightly pointed out in a way that even all my dogs heard that everything that has since made Australia great again as a multicultural nation happened from that point on.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body but if those non-indigenous ancestors of mine had not come here, our indigenous Aboriginals would still be chucking spears and boomerangs and leading a primitive nomadic lifestyle, hoeing into plentiful seafood and really enjoying themselves.

“And what was it with that giant Aboriginal flag flying off the Harbour Bridge. There’s not a racist bone in my body but I’m not ashamed to admit I felt physically sick seeing it up there beside our country’s Union Jack. On our day, for goodness sake.”

Aunty Pauline also took aim at the ABC’s coverage of last night’s Australian Day concert beside the Opera House.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body but, Lordy, did they carry on about our nation’s first black indigenous peoples from the get-go? It went on and on and on.

“I get they were born here just like me so naturally there’s a strong indigenous bond between us as a result of that.

“There’s not a racist bone in my body and of course I admire Australia’s black indigenous people for their amazing 5,000-(sic)-year-old culture,” Aunty Pauline said, deliberately getting facts wrong as she often does to make her mob think she’s just like one of them; just an average indigenous woman fighting well above her weight on their behalf.

“But January 26 is clearly White Australia’s Day and the focus should have been on that special day my non-indigenous ancestors dropped anchor in their 12 leaky boats after circumcising Australia and waded ashore at Sydney Cave to finally put a barren and uninhabited country on the right track,” Aunty Pauline concluded.

Seasoned political observers marvelled at the way Aunty Pauline used ‘Sydney Cave’ and various incorrect details of the First Fleet on purpose to make her mob think she’s dumb as bat shit just like they are and that she has their best interests at heart; just an average indigenous woman fighting well above her weight on their behalf.