WASHINGTON, DC: A forensic analysis of the many hundreds of thousands of tweets by Donald Trump over the past decade that includes his four years as US President has exposed a stark reality: he may not have penned many of them at all, and quite possibly not a single one!
And in fact, the investigative team at the Georgetown University’s Faculty of English has found that many of the tweets were clearly written by someone who is even dumber than the 45th President.
“I know that’s hard to believe but there we have it,” Professor Kleversy Grammar told The Bug.
“And seeing the tweets did emanate largely from the White House or Capitol Hill over the years, our suspicions immediately turned to Vice-President Mike Pence.
“While the VP strenuously denied any involvement, our breakthrough came when we discovered that Pence (pictured) as a boy growing up in Columbus, Indiana, had a pet dog called Covfefe.
“It’s true that many of Trump’s tweets during the entire 2010s had the telltale signs of his personality: the boasts about his IQ, his assumed bravery, his personal putdowns of opponents, his belittling of women but the giveaway was the atrocious spelling and poor grammar.
“They simply would not be the outpourings of someone who was such a brilliant businessman as President Trump, especially someone of his enormous IQ. No, it had to be Pence.
“And in some ways, our findings make perfect sense. There’s no way President Trump could have been up each and every night for month after month sending out tweets and then be fresh and mentally capable each following morning to deal with an intensive round of golf.”
Professor Grammar said the occupants of the White House had became far more cunning of recent times when they became aware that her research team was digging for the tweets’ true author.
“Some minder or other started vetting the tweets whoever they were by, and a most recent one is a classic case in point (pictured).
“There’s no way either President Trump or Vice-President Pence could spell ‘inauguration’ properly in a months of Sundays.”