Trump declares victory

US President Donald Trump has signed an executive order declaring America the winner of the Vietnam War.

Mr Trump said it was important that history recorded the real outcome of the bloody conflict in which almost 60,000 troops died over two decades from the mid-1950s.

“I am proud to be the President that has declared victory in Vietnam after so many years. So many, many years,” Mr Trump said.

“It’s not something previous Presidents have been able to deliver, and it’s certainly not something sleepy, syphilitic, senile, smelly, Joe Biden could ever have done.

“I look forward to delivering more military victories in my second term as I am, without doubt, America’s greatest wartime leader, perhaps the world’s greatest wartime leader.

“Yeah, I’d say the world’s greatest and maybe the all-time greatest.  Yeah, I think so.

“As the greatest wartime leader of all time anywhere in the world, I am proud to declare that US forces have been victorious in Vietnam and I have delivered peace.

“This has been a long time coming, I know.  But the wait has been worth it.

“The victory I have delivered today puts to rest the lie that Vietnam won this war. It’s a story that has been around for decades, spread by the lamestream media who peddle fake news.

“When I think of the more than 58,200 Americans who died in Vietnam and the more than 153,000 were wounded I know our nation is truly blessed.

“Truly blessed indeed to have a President like me who can deliver victory when those losers and suckers couldn’t,” Mr Trump said.