World stunned by Trump’s concession

A televised presidential election concession speech that included a series of unreserved apologies for past behaviour from US President Donald J Trump has stunned the entire world.

Speaking overnight Australian time to the American people from his Oval Office desk, the 45th President of the United States began by saying he wanted to make it crystal clear that Democrat rival Joe Biden had won their election fight “fairly and squarely”.

His voice wavering at times, President Trump said: “All votes cast in this election and counted on the day and in the weeks that followed were all legal and aboveboard.

“And I apologise unreservedly for suggesting over and over again that all those millions of votes cast for me but counted post election day were somehow legal and those cast of President-elect Biden were not.

“Even my support base realised how stupid that claim was.

“Sadly, I’ve been coming across as a real poor loser and I do not want that to be the lasting image of my time in office. Accordingly, I have directed my team to cease right now all frivolous legal action against the election outcome.”

It was when President Trump began to outline his “many failings” as president over the past four years that heavily armed secret service agents aided by FBI field officers stormed on camera and hauled the imposter away, stunning a watching world.

As this report went to press, forensic teams were still scouring the entire White House complex and digging up the Rose Garden and surrounding lawns in their grim search for the real President’s body.