BLM campaign hits home

anews in brief dinkus

CANBERRA: The peak body for local councils across Australia has expressed concern about the vast volume of material suddenly heading to landfill and clogging streets across the nation (main picture) as a result of an unexpected spin-off of the global Black Lives Matter campaign.

A spokesperson for the Australian Local Government Association said council rubbish collection services had been inundated in the past few weeks with massive volumes of materials — mainly old family photographs.

“Our member councils tell us it seems that the problem stems from the TV news footage from both here and overseas of the destruction or vandalism of statues and other memorials to those whose past behaviour or utterances are now deemed to be racist,” the spokesperson said.

“This has apparently spurred Australians to clean out  their own family photo albums to rid them of images of people who are now deemed to be unreconstructed racists.

“Baby boomers especially have been dumping tonnes of photos of their parents, aunties, uncles, family friends, and even siblings.

“We don’t know if our rubbish collectors can handle the sheer volume, but we’re doing our best to clear the build-up we’re seeing in streets in all states,” the spokesperson said.

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MELBOURNE: The annual convention of the Australian Association of Prosthetic Limb Manufacturers has ended here as it began a week ago …. with everyone taking a knee.

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CANBERRA: Two of the legends of the Australian Labor Party – Gough Whitlam and Bob Hawke – are likely to be posthumously stripped of life membership after tapes emerged overnight of them swearing profusely and talking in derogatory terms about fellow politicians of both sexes in a way that clearly suggested they considered themselves vastly superior to any of them.

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TWEED HEADS: The leaders of two of Australia’s right-wing political parties have denied any romantic involvement despite being seen kissing each other as they campaigned here for the NSW-Queensland road borders to be reopened immediately.

Pauline Hanson (One Nation) and Clive Palmer (United Australia Party) had staged a lonely two-person overnight vigil demanding that Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk open the borders immediately to give financially strapped tourism operators a chance to recover from the financially devastating COVID-19 pandemic.

“It was bloody freezing and at one stage I gave Pauline a big hug and went to give her a kiss on the cheek,” Palmer explained.

“I didn’t know Pauline was one of those platonic lip-kissers you encounter from time to time normally from lecherous old men and she just turned her head and surprised me. That’s all.”

“There was no tongue or anything like that.”