Stoopid is as stoopid does

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Anyone else roiling with rage over these absurd suggestions that have emerged overnight like a worrying rash on a schoolie’s genitals that the UK election result shows Britons are even more stupid than we are?

That because the Crumpled Unkempt Nasty Tory Boris Johnson has won a landslide victory, voters at the Centre of Empire must surely be the dumbest, most gullible poll patsies in the entire history of politics.

That putting the blond bumbling boofhead back into Number 10 means even we stupid Aussies are languishing far, far behind and fighting for the crumbs of second place with the citizens of the United States.

Please! Can we all just take a deep reflective breath and look at the facts in the clear, cold light morning after the results in Old Blighty and our own national elections back in May.

Sure, a lightweight compulsive liar with very few redeeming features and a shockingly dodgy pre-politics work history has prevailed.

A totally stage-managed “presidential” campaign had to be created for him, based on stunts and photo ops, so he could emerge the winner.

A candidate who, despite having the unquestioning support of the vast majority of the media, still had to be shielded from all that media.

And probably the most important factors of all: a national “leader” has emerged victorious because he faced an opponent with three major and politically lethal drawbacks: a reputation that had been routinely trashed by that hostile media for years; a proven loser at the previous election and perhaps the saddest flaw of all, someone with all the charisma of a busted boil.

But enough about Scott Morrison and Bill Shorten.

Johnson’s thumping win makes absolute sense when the six-week campaign over there is distilled down to its basics.

The British people were utterly exhausted by Brexit and just wanted it done. That they’d put up with five more years of Johnson’s foppish folly clearly shows the depth – and despair – of that exhaustion.

Johnson campaigned on virtually nothing else, when he wasn’t hiding in fridges, avoiding debates and refusing to look at a photo of a four-year-old kid asleep on a hospital ward floor because the NHS couldn’t find a bed for him.

It was all about Brexit and voters in Labour’s traditional red-belt seats knew it.
Silly, stupid socialist Jeremy Corbyn missed that central point and will not be sadly missed.

In summary, the UK election result makes total sense and it does not make British voters stupid. That’s still to come when Boris fucks up Brexit big time and the UK public finally realise that any talk of moving more to the left and looking after little Britons in a slightly kinder way was just, you know, campaign flippery and a bit of harmless fibbing, Right, chaps and chapettes?

Compare all that with Australian voters, who foolishly swallowed Morrison’s litany of lies where just about every Labor policy was wilfully distorted.

They swallowed what was Morrison’s only real policy in a largely negative campaign: that his plan to flatten income tax scales was all about them keeping more of their own money in their own pockets.

Their eyes glazed over with dollar signs, no matter how distant, and they didn’t even think about how a shrinking federal government starved of resources would no longer provide the services they’ve always expect of it.

They put him back in despite the economy being in the crapper, a damaging leadership spill, various multi-million dollar scandals and ministerial fuckups.

Worse of all, they stupidly reelected him knowing full well he’s a far-right, happy-clapping, talker-in-tongues religious nutter who thinks it’s up to God to fix climate change if that ever becomes a real problem – not that He would ever let that happen.

Now that is stupidity. Gross stupidity on a moronic if not brain-dead level.

So listen in, Britons. You might have given us our basic system of governance but when it comes to being politically stupid, we Down Under come out way on top.

We’re the gold standard that can never be surpassed when it comes to being blindsided by political bullshit and conned by convicts and cads and don’t you Ashes-free Brits ever forget it!