Trade talks collapse

 

WELLINGTON, NZ: High-level talks aimed at striking a new free trade deal between Australia and New Zealand have collapsed here at the last minute.

Under the new deal, Australia and New Zealand were to have traded Prime Ministers early in the New Year but NZ negotiators would not budge on their demands for $A2250 billion in compensation.

Satire site sucked in

Pathetic and gullible satire site The Bug remains redfaced after being taken in by clever fake news on social mediocre earlier today that Prime Minister Scott Morrison was dropping everything to fly to New Zealand to milk some “sympathy sound and image bites” in the wake of the volcano eruption that has killed a number of Aussies.

“The best fake news is the one that sucks you in because it sounds all so plausible given the nature of the person involved,” a Bug spokesperson said. “And because we here at The Bug have a visceral, pulsating and almost audible hatred for everything that cunt stands for, we’ve been had big time.

“We wanted to rip the piece off the site but we said, bugger it, we need to be man enough and brave enough to fess up for when we’ve been well and truly sucked in! It’s not as if we’ll ever be sophisticated and savvy satire sites such as The Shovel and Betoota Advocate.

“So here it is.”

 Holiday plans changed

CANBERRA: Prime Minster Scott Morrison has abruptly cancelled his traditional but expensive family Christmas letting on the NSW mid north coast and will holiday in New Zealand instead.

“The PM once again is leading by example by showing his fellow Australians how important it is to be frugal and count the pennies even in times of joyous Christian celebration,” a spokesman said.

Smoke halts flight

SYDNEY: A planned flight by Prime Minister Scott Morrison to Wellington, New Zealand, earlier today was cancelled because of thick smoke.

Mr Morrison had planned a number of media events while in NZ and none required him to stand alongside NZ leader Jacinda Ardern whereby highly unfavorable comparisons were, understandably, likely to be made.