Lord Downer calls the UK poll

UK ELECTION DINKUSLord Downer has declared that UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson “must and will” win the British election.

Addressing a room packed with his lessers at the National Press Club in Canberra yesterday (main picture), His Lordship said it was “utterly unthinkable” that Labour Party leader Jeremy Corbyn could ever inhabit 10 Downing Street as prime minister.

“That man is unfit to lead our beloved Mother Country. He is a ruffian and — I am in no doubt  — a Communist wrecker. Damn his eyes,” he said.

His Lordship said if the worst happened and the Labour Party won the UK election on 12 December the Morrison Government must reduce the sharing of its intelligence with a Corbyn government.

“Given the exalted ranks I have held previously and my knowledge of the workings of Liberal Party politics, I know exactly how much intelligence the Morrison Government has,” he said.

“We may have less than other nations, but we cannot afford to give away the little intelligence we have to ne’er do wells and lower-class louts like …. like… that bearded chap currently leading the rabble that passes for the opposition in the UK.”

His lip quivering and voice breaking, His Lordship wiped his eyes with a kerchief pulled from his sleeve and continued: “Sadly many years ago Great Britain, like Australia, made the terrible mistake of allowing people not of noble birth to vote in their elections.

“Now we are reaping the results of that folly by facing the prospect of average Britons having a say in who rules them, and having them make the mistake of voting Labour.

“My God, we must stop this nonsense at once, or if the British public get it wrong and elect Labour to office, we here in Australia should just ignore that result and pretend it never happened.”

As is his custom at appearances before media representatives, His Lordship rightly refused to take questions, explaining he had to make the arduous journey back to the Adelaide Hills and his residence Pout House.

“My sedan chair awaits and I have instructed my bearers that I wish to make a speedy and hopefully non-stop return trip to be at home in time for supper,” His Lordship said before being carried outside to his waiting conveyance by four strapping, barechested and well-oiled young men.