Top player warms to new nickname

TEST CRICKET ROUNDUP:

With The Bug’s imbedded Ashes reporter Bob “Smash” Smaddocksatkins dennis - net

DERBY: One of the leading players among the touring Australians is slowly getting used to his new team nickname.

Nathan Lyon, formerly known as GOAT – Greatest of All Time because of his ranking as Australia’s best-ever performing Test off-spinner – has settled into the team’s new digs here for the three-day clash against Derbyshire and has laughed off his new nickname coined by teammates.

After his pathetic fumble at the bowler’s end that cost Australia a series win and the retention of the urn at Headingley, Lyon is now known as BLOAT – Biggest Loser Of All Time.

“We can all look forward to the Old Trafford Test next week with Timmy [captain Tim Paine] calling out: “Bowled BLOAT!” over and over again,” one senior player said, “even when Nathan isn’t even in the attack”.

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LEEDS: The International Cricket Board is to investigate a disturbing incident here on the night of England’s amazing come-from-behind win in the third Test.

The ICB will look into allegations that top international umpire Joel Wilson from Trinidad and Tobago in the West Indies and apparently keen to try some typical English cuisine was turned away from a curry house in the CBD after management refused entry to his seeing-eye dog.

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The man who invented the ball-tracking technology used as part of the Decision Review System (DRS) referrals in international cricket is dead.

Cyril  Seymour, an English inventor, was fatally injured overnight as he attempted to enter the front door of his favourite pub, The Heckled Pen,  in his home village in Kent.

Bystanders said that while Mr Seymour, 46, appeared totally sober, he misjudged his direction of travel and missed the doorway by at least six inches, slamming face first into the pub’s ancient stonework instead, falling backwards and fatally striking the back of his head on the roadside kerbing outside the 16th Century inn on the Pilgrims Way.