Knotted knickers over nothing at all

terri tory dinkus












Picture this. You’re really enjoying The Guns of Navarone on the tele. This great blokey action adventure from 1961 is reaching its denouement and all of a sudden the channel cuts the film off and starts showing that girlie flick remake, The Parent Trap, from the same year.

Too far back for those of you somewhat younger than moi? Okay, so you’ve spent the best part of 90 minutes really enjoying Animal Kingdom from 2010 and you’re suddenly confronted with the opening scenes from Life as We Know it, a film even Katherine Heigl probably has never seen all the way through?

Well, I’m sorry to disappoint some of my fellow front-bummers out there but even your humble columnist, as feminine and as gorgeous as she is, would be pretty damned upset if that had happened to me.

And yet we now have this almighty racket still going on over Channel 7’s decision not to interrupt a riveting tussle at Wimbledon – between two hunk-of-spunk Aussie men, Nick Kyrgios and Jordan Thompson, mind – to show a first-round match involving our flavour of the month Ash Barty.

Sorry, girlfriends but naughty-boy Kyrgios can serve it up to me for as long as he likes. Give me three hours of hot sweaty men in tight shorts trying to get me to root for them any time over a straight-sets romp by Ash against someone we’ve never heard of, no matter how nice and lovely our Ash might be.

Besides, and this might also upset some in the cliterati out there, I’ve got no interest whatsover in watching young women making millions – the same as the men – while putting in only 60 per cent of the effort of their male counterparts.

You heard me right, ladies. Sixty per cent effort! Who do these ladies on the WTP tour think they are? Bernard Tomic?

The ladies get the same pay as the men yet play a maximum of three sets to the men’s five. To me, that’s rampant sexism and the game’s administrators are shouting to the world: women can’t match men for physical stamina.

I’ve got some home videos that show that’s simpy not the case.

Has the current women’s World Cup football been played over 54 minutes so the poor things don’t cramp up or mess their hair up with too much sweat?

Does Stef Gilmore surf for a shorter time on the world pro tour? Will women at next year’s Olympics run in a 25-kilometre marathon?

Are our Aussie women over in England for the Ashes playing in Thirty-30 and Twelve-12 limited overs games?

No, Channel 7 was spot on to stick with screening that grinding, exhausting, glorious spectacle of men’s tennis – it certainly got me hot and bothered, I can tell you and had me reaching for a “remote control” that had nothing to do with my TV set.

So everybody, just lay off Seven! It’s a fine network in every respect and they’ve got it right this time, as they often do in their fair and balanced reporting of politics.

Sixty per cent effort, ladies? Maybe you’re proud of that but I’m not.

I won’t be watching a single rally even if Ash makes the Wimbledon final. And my girlcott of women’s tennis will continue until they can serve it up just as long and as hard as the men can.

Oooh! Long and hard. Now my knickers really are in a twist. And more than just a twist, I can assure you.

Terri Tori writes exclusively for The Bug, predominately politics but from time to time anything else that tickles her fanny.