Whatshisname’s close shave

fed pols exclusive

Embattled federal National Party leader Michael McCormack came close to being dumped by his colleagues at a recent party meeting, The Bug can reveal.

A National Party insider speaking exclusively to The Bug said that Barnaby Joyce had come close to being returned to the party’s top job after a surprise spill motion was carried at the previously unreported meeting held during the last week of the current session of Federal Parliament.

Mr McCormack has been under intense pressure from his parliamentary colleagues as well as rank and file members of the National Party who claim his profile is too low to lead the party into the coming federal election.

The National Party insider said that almost since former leader Barnaby Joyce (pictured with his young son) stepped down last year amidst a personal scandal he had been favoured by many to make a return to the leadership.

abarnaby and kid“We all know there’s a risk in slotting Barnaby back into the leader’s role so close to an erection,” the insider said. “Sorry! Sorry … I meant election, of course. Please don’t use that silly, innocent slip of the tongue.

“A recent party room meeting showed many Nationals are more than willing to take a risk on changing leaders if it means they’ll have a better chance of holding their own seats.”

The party insider said Mr McConnell (sic) narrowly escaped being dumped during the most recent session of the Federal Parliament.

“The meeting of the 16 lower house National Party MPs and six Senators began normally enough, but then out of the blue one MP, who I won’t name, suddenly moved a motion to spill all leadership positions,” the insider told The Bug.

“It was a close run thing, but the spill motion was carried so the usual step was then taken to appoint a couple of MPs as tellers to oversee the voting that would follow.

“When the call was made for nominations for party leader, would-be leaders were asked to stand up. Barnaby got to his feet first followed by Malcolm (sic).

“But it turns out that the MPs acting as party room tellers didn’t know who Mark (sic) was.

“They had no idea of his identity and were too embarrassed to ask, which meant they couldn’t put his name on the ballot papers for the vote.

“There was apparently lots of coughing, spluttering, feet shuffling, and mumbling and one helpful chap called out ‘McCarmichael … I think’ before one of the tellers whispered in the ear of the MP chairing the meeting who then made up some bullshit ruling to declare the spill could not proceed due to some equally bullshit technical issue that supposedly had invalidated the whole process.

“The motion was then deferred indefinitely, but I’m sure it’ll raise its head next time Parliament sits, so poor Morgan (sic) McConnifer (even sicer) is a dead man walking,” the insider said.