Bowing to the might of Jina


How long will Australia last in any full-blown war with our northern neighbour, the People’s Republic of China?

A week? Two, maybe, if it includes a Christmas/New Year break like we’ve just had?

Perhaps even more importantly, would we last longer – maybe with even a faint sniff of a bitterly fought and long-term victory – against China if people such as myself, a self-confessed Aldiholic, stopped buying Chinese-made goods in Aldi stores?

These are questions that I was forced to address before I headed out and bought those two pieces of Gardenline powered garden equipment I wrote about the other day (pictured).

dgb mowerFor, you see, as a patriotic Australian, a national serviceman even, I wanted to do the right thing by my country of birth. If I bought Oz, would that help keep open a factory that could swing across to military-equipment production if needed?

It’s why the motor mower I bought some years ago was a Victa Vantage from Bunnings.

I now know that the bloody thing wasn’t made in Australia anyway. My bad. But back then, neither did I know that Bunnings is Aboriginal for Made in China.

That’s right. Apparently the only thing Australian-made in a Bunnings store is some of the bagged fertilisers in the gardening section. Our national politics shows we’ve always been good at recycling shit.

Recent research told me that Victa in Australia stopped making four-stroke mowers around the time Harold Holt swam out to that submarine (made in China by the way) off Portsea. They stopped making two-stroke motors some years ago.

So as it turns out, the only thing Australian about that expensive mower I bought for $350 was that some of the safety labels might have been put on it here. In the manufacturing game they call that “value adding”.

So any thought on my part that I was helping keep Australia war-ready was rather stupid back then. And that’s before Joe Hockey told our automakers to fuck off.

5048912178_ff94c32d2c_bThat was also before our last whitegoods manufacturer closed its doors. Is there any factory left in Oz that could make a small Jeep to use in the next big one?

Does Zeta Lightburn still make cars (pictured) that could become fighter jets with some wings hastily welded on?

These are the questions a natural-born patriot and a lover of this land of droughts and flooded drains had to ask – and have answered, after some research.

And my mind googled as that research told me two things: if the US and Chinese navies come to blows over those disputed islands in the South China Sea and WW3 starts anytime soon, Australia will last about 10 days before we’re forced to run up the red flag.

If WW3 doesn’t start until Oz has its full complement of those French-supplied clean-coal-powered submarines and those US-made Fault35 JSFs – and that should be around 2052 – Australia will last about 10 days.

And what a humiliating outcome either scenario will be for rushing to war as the United States’ “oldest and most trusted ally” – all over some islands that were made in China anyway.

Don Gordon-Brown