Crossed messages


Should we even try to deconstruct or understand this Christmas Day tweet from the LNP and the Happy Clapper?

What the fuck is this pathetic political organisation and this god-bothering, talker in tongues, money-is-my-other-god, marketing moron joke of a political leader trying to start here: some form of religious war to see him through to the election?

The tweet copped such robust criticism for its pathetic attempt at politicking that it was apparently hastily withdrawn. I didn’t mind it in a way: I love the smell of desperation in the Yuletide.dgb dinkus NEW

Politicking aside, it’s also puerile nonsense. I’m about the most heathen prick I know, and I’ve spent the day calling out “Merry Christmas” to neighbours and friends. Are the LNP and the Happy Clapper implying that real Christians can’t call out “Merry Christmas” any more for fear of ridicule? Maybe that they’ll cop a fine one day when there’s a law against it? Some time soon, Christmas trees will be banned – or will have to be called season trees -and presents will have to be halal certified? Is that true, Pauline?

Do arseholes such as Morrison really believe this shit? And sadder still, that there’s votes to be had in it?

There’s no doubt the religious nutters among us feel they are under threat. And they are. But defending “Merry Christmas”? Really? I guess it all comes under the umbrella of all this fucking bullshit about some need to enshrine religious freedoms.

Where the fuck is my freedom from morons such as the Happy Clapper who believe in a magic sky daddy of their own denomination? That praying to their saviour will help them win lotto? Or succeed in business. Where’s my protection from religions that still ban contraception in an over-crowded world? That don’t allow priests to marry so they kiddie-fiddle instead?

Where’s my protection from religions that have refused to accept the same-sex marriage vote result? That still – well into the 21stCentury – demand “their right” to preach that homosexuality is a dreadful sin. Where’s my protection from the Happy Clappers of this world who think the easiest solution to that problem is for 18-year-old gay students at schools run by these churches not to show such sordid and disgusting tendencies by holding hands? That the next best-possible solution is some unworkable laws enshrining “religious freedoms”?

Still, if the LNP and the Happy Clapper want to have the Crusades all over again before the election in the New Year, bring it on!

I can’t even be bothered checking the latest census figures but, really, how desperate must the Happy Clapper be if he’s pinning his electoral hopes on appealing to brain-dead and stupid Christians who feel threatened, Trumpian style, by a modern world that’s turned against them?

Aren’t people without religious belief now close to a majority of the Australian population? And of those who tick the Christianity box, how many are mad rooters such as Barnaby Joyce and Andrew Broad who couldn’t give a flying fuck about family values and a good stable family base?

How many just tick a religious box out of habit yet probably haven’t got a decent Christian bone in their whole bodies? Who tut-tut about men fucking each other and fondly remember with tears in their eyes the good old days when a bit of poofter-bashing around the men’s dunnies was acceptable sport, but if the missus suggested a bit of rear-door action they’d be up there faster than a rat up a drainpipe.

So let’s go back to the top? Where are the votes for the Happy Clapper in trying to convince people of religion that they are somehow being ostracised and marginalised by society?

The faith I have may not be a Christian faith but it tells me the majority of truly religious people in Australia are more concerned about pressing social issues than being conned into some form of faux outrage by idiots like the Happy Clapper and his ilk. Who actually care through their Christian values over issues like kids rotting away in offshore detention, instead of looking goofily at a camera, baseball cap and all, and telling the most outrageous lie that he had actually gone down on his knees and sobbed over their plight. Outfuckingrageous, rolled-gold, top-shelf bullfuckingshit. He knew it when he said it. We knew it too.

It’s why I’ll stick with my theory that the next rancid coil I void – and between you and me it’s going to be a beauty after the excesses of Christmas Day – has more Christianity to it than the Happy Clapper has in his entire body.

In the end, we return to trying to fathom a reason for that tweet. To see some logic to it. Some net increase in votes from it.  For those who buy the bullshit the Happy Clapper is shovelling, were they ever going to desert him anyway?

As I said, I do love the smell of desperation in the Yuletide.

Don Gordon-Brown