WEATHER WARNING:

The Bureau of Meteorology (BOM) has warned of the risk of severed flooding across Australia as a result of the fuel crisis sparked by the US and Israeli war on Iran and the restrictions imposed on oil tankers using the Strait of Hormuz.

A BOM spokesperson said flooding was now a real possibility for Australians wherever they lived.

“Usually floods are linked to heavy rainfall, huge tides, or cyclonic activity,” the spokesperson said.

“In addition, floods usually also impact only those Australians living in or near known flood risk zones.

“But the current situation is quite different. In fact it’s nothing like we have ever seen previously.

“In fact the possible flooding we are forecasting will likely hit hard at Australians regardless of where they live.”

The spokesperson said BOM’s forecasters had undertaken computer modelling of the reaction of everyday Australians to fuel prices rises in recent weeks.

“The overwhelming reaction we have found is one of unrestrained glee by Australians driving sensibly sized, standard or compact cars with efficient four or six cylinder engines and even electric vehicles.

“They are gleeful because although they face high fuel costs and possible shortages, they look around and see the even worse plight of their fellow Australians who – for some unknown reason – have purchased huge and heavy fuel-thirsty US-style pickup trucks.

“To put it crudely, in the current fuel crisis the mere sight of such monstrous trucks – usually carrying just a driver – causes the owners and drivers of more sensibly sized vehicles to piss themselves laughing as soon as they even briefly contemplated the already inflated fuel bill their owners face even before Trump and Bibi literally put a bomb under fuel prices.

“Our forecasters estimate that the tears of laughter being shed by Aussies laughing at the numbskulls driving these Yank tanks will result in excessive overland flows causing flooding in all major water courses across the nation.

“While this in itself is not expected to cause flooding, the waterways will burst their banks, the addition of the tears of the owners of those huge bloated fuel-guzzlers will guarantee floods across all states and territories,” the spokesperson said.

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