A shattered Greg Sheridan is seeking legal advice after he was pipped at the post by a Newscorpse tyro colleague for The Bug’s uncoveted Arse-Licker for the Month of March 20026 award.

The first-time winner is Max Melzer who has snatched the Janet Albrechtsen trophy off Sheridan as both were about to salute the judges, and speaking of judges, those at The Bug’s ALOTM HQ believe the trophy has been won basically on the strength of one word – dramatically. Oh, okay, maybe two if you include dump, And they say that’s never happened before.

After Sheridan had the article (below) published in The Ausralian broadshit, he thought he was a shoo-in for ALOTM glory yet again and colleagues had spotted him in a thrift shop near Holt Street going through its collection of cardigans that even the long-term homeless had shown no interest in, even though some were being given away.

Anyway, enough of that loser.

Here’s what Melzer had to say in a Sky LNPNews online piece late in the month: “Support for Labor has dipped dramatically in the latest Newspoll, with the impact of the Iran war fuelling voter frustration toward the Albanese government.”

And here are those primary-figure results from Monday’s Rupe loss-leader, courtesy of the spiritually uplifting GhostWhoVotes.

That’s right! The ALP’s primary vote has dipped dramatically – by one per cent – since the previous Newspoll. Please don’t write in. We sorta know what Max is getting at – a gradual decline for Labor over time and compared with the 2025 result – but that’s not the message he’s conveyed with the intro to his piece.

And we’re guessing that Max will always be right in his head and is very unlikely to ever mention that the LNP’s vote in that Newspoll had risen “dramatically” by one per cent to 21 percent, but still more than 10 per cent below their 2025 performance.

We also liked the flamboyant use of the word dump and if anyone knows what a good dump looks like, it’s someone like Max who reads a lot of stuff squeezed out by his Newscorpse colleagues.

With this sort of righting skill, we suspect the overnight editor that is Max Melzer will one day find himself becoming an editor of one of Rupe’s rotten rags overnight before too long.

Anywho, we suspect the sphincters of Max’s immediate superiors and even those of a couple of media barrens in New York will pulsate with eager anticipation whenever they hear another Max Melzer masterclass of tongue-in-groove, cloacal cleansing, ring mastery is on its way.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com