WASHINGTON, DC: America will send ground troops to Iran and has commissioned special new uniforms for the operation.

Pete Hegseth, the former US Secretary of War who has again changed his title to US Secretary of Holy War, confirmed the move at a media briefing at the former Pentagon in Washington.

Sporting his own bespoke uniform as Secretary of Holy War (main picture) Mr Hegseth said he had ordered the renaming of the famous Pentagon.

“To me the name sound too much like pentangle – a widely known satanic symbol,” Mr Hegseth said.

“From today this building will be called the Donald Trump Crusades Centre to reflect our aim of finishing the job started in the 11th century to rid the Holy Land of Muslims.

“I am a proud boy today to stand here and outline our plans for peace in the Middle East by slaughtering all followers of the heathen Islamic faith. Just think Gaza and the West Bank but on a much larger scale.

“I am also proud to unveil the new uniform our brave troops will wear as they undertake this holiest of holiest missions.” (below)

Mr Hegseth then bowed his head and recited a lengthy prayer calling on all US allies to join Operation Crusade which he said would be launched as soon as stock markets closed so as to minimise its impact on share prices.

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MOSCOW: In his latest effort to justify his bloody, costly, and lengthy invasion of Ukraine, Russian President Vladimir Putin has cited Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s comments on the Israeli Defence Force’s operations in Lebanon.

“I repeat, Russia’s actions in Ukraine do not constitute a war,” President Putin said.

“I’ve now come to the conclusion that it’s not even a ‘special military operation’.

“I’m just trying to establish a buffer zone to protect the peace-loving Russian people from incursions by radical Nazis in charge of Ukraine,” President Putin said.

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SYDNEY: Budget airline Jetstar says it is cancelling dozens of scheduled flights each day during the current fuel crisis sparked by the war in the Middle East.

“I can confirm that we are scrapping flights left, right, and centre,” a Jetstar spokesperson said.

“So, really, for us it’s been business as usual. We’ve not been affected at all by events in the Middle East.”

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