This simply can’t go on much longer! And for that reason, we’ve written an open letter to Jordan Baker, editor of The Sydney Morning Herald! Here it is.

Saturday, 28 March 2026.

Hi Jordo!

Please circle on the image above the sub clown who fucked up last night, calling page 3 of today’s edition the front page. Only joshin’, the Big J, his or her name will do. You’re fairly new to your job and that clown graphic is obviously a pisstake from when that fuckknuckle Bevan Shields was in the big chair. Our guess is that any edition of the Herald, even Saturday’s, probably employs, say what, one or two subs?

So we desperately need to talk directly to that sub about their effort last night.

I mean, Jordo, we’re in tears here. Will our long-running campaign to get your dumb-as-fuck sub (or maybe more) to do the right thing when an edition has a Hardly Normal wraparound where the inside fake cover is folioed PAGE THREE! You see, the reason that we are collectively shattered here at MGH and intend to give the Rumbos a real hammering today is that page 3 of any newspaper simply can’t be PAGE ONE, THE COVER PAGE or THE FRONT PAGE!

No wait, forget the name. Just send us their email address and we’ll sort this out once and for all. ‘Cos can we be frank, Big Boss, we’re at our wit’s end here.

We want to send that sub this image to stick on the side of their Amstrad 464.

And luckily we have some of our fridge magnets left to send over.

And, or course, we’ll get them to do this little reminder sequence we’ve used from time to time during Bevo’s time, even though it’s clear they haven’t worked.

… and this one?

Okay, so far so good. But here’s where it gets tricky! You worked on it last night so which of these was the front page?

When you’re ready, please, please, take your time!

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