… or how I was forced into de-Niall

Anyone know the world’s richest lottery currently in play and if it’s due to be drawn soon?

Your ranter-in-residence needs to win a very large amount of money pronto to ensure that a terrible thing that happened to him and his better half the other day is never, ever, repeated.

Appreciate winning this looming lottery draw could be quite a long shot but I desperately need some billions of dollars to donate to our national broadcaster so it can pay its staff whatever pay rise they are demanding now and forever more so they never, ever, go on strike never, ever, again!

Here’s what the 24-hour walkout by Aunty’s staff nationwide earlier this week resulted in. We were forced to switch over to Nine’s Today show for a news fix that two old journo hacks still crave – and, yes, we often wonder why!

And the first item from newsreader Jayne Azzopardi? Former One Direction member Niall Horan has revealed he will need a hip replacement sooner rather than later, saying his hips are going. And this, as our Today newsreader explained, comes after the 32-year-old popstar underwent a knee replacement in 2014!

Luckily, “his joint problems are not going to stop the singer from releasing his new album, Dinner Party coming out this June”.

Okay, I can hear you BUGsters out there wondering and asking what’s the problem here? Sure, if the ABC’s News Breakfast had been available, they too would probably have led their bulletins with the Niall Horan yarn.

But it’s what happened next that may have caused us permanent damage. We couldn’t locate our remote quickly enough in those tousled sheets (please, people, get your mind out of the gutter; fitful sleeps caused that) and had to put up with the Today co-presenter Sarah Abo bursting out in feigned laughter each time Karl Stefanovic put the boot into somebody or something and pretending momentarily to be even shocked himself at his, admittedly brilliant, display of morning television mastery and putdownmanship.

We’ll have to weight and sea (shit, it might already be happening!) what permanent damage has been caused by being forced to watch the incredibly untalented Mr Karl rip into this and that even if it was just for a minute or so as he showed what a clownishly clever and clearly underpaid master communicator he can be?

And is there anyone out there in BUGland who would want this puffed-up prima donna anywhere near a seat at a dinner party they’re planning? To be fair, though, he could be really funny when he’s pissed?

Okay, point taken.

Don Gordon-Brown

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