The Bug‘s resident medico offers some timely advice to a distraught relative of someone causing trouble for many others.

Dear Doctor Dick

I am reaching out to you in a last-gasp effort to find help for my ageing father whose behaviour has become more and more erratic in recent years.

I do not want to identify him or myself and I also don’t want to identify the people, places, and events I will reference. Instead, I will mask all identities in this letter.

My father is 80 this year and a little over a year ago he resumed working in a job he had previously held after a four-year break.

On a personal level he has deteriorated mentally since he last had the job. He is more incontinent and needs adult diapers which, incidentally, don’t mask the smell.

He also persists in applying bright orange fake tan make-up to his flabby face while sporting an obvious and ridiculously large dyed-hair combover. It’s just embarrassing.

He is now also far more incoherent and rambling than he has ever been when he speaks. He pretends he is weaving a good story but just runs off at the mouth and makes very little sense most of the time.

He also makes long and loud boasts about how great he is at all sorts of things, when the truth is he’s hopeless at almost everything he does.

On a professional level in his latest stint in this particular job he has behaved even more erratically than he did the first time.

For a start, he commutes to work and has been given a big house that also contains his office as part of his employment package. He doesn’t own the big house but that hasn’t stopped him making bizarre renovations to it, including demolishing an entire wing.

In the past year he has behaved very aggressively towards many former friends and has strained many relationships. He even picked a fight with someone – I’ll call them Dan Mark – and threatened to steal land off him.

Just last week he was visited by a Japanese friend and insulted them with a tasteless reference to the 1941 attack on Pearl Harbour.

I could list so many more incidents – quite frankly, too many. But one is really causing big, big problems.

Recently he has been led astray by a friend of his, let’s call him BB, who has lured my father into an ugly fight with a third individual. Let’s call them Irene.

My dad is fighting with Irene but at the same time is making very weird statements about Irene sending him a present which he hasn’t explained further, or Irene talking to him to settle their fight when everyone knows that’s not true.

This is all getting too much. What can be done? Is there some sort of treatment or safe place I could take my father to ensure he gets the help he clearly needs?

Barron
Miami

Doctor Dick replies:

Dear Barron

I have just the place in mind for your father. (main picture)

I’ll send you the details and if you could deliver him there as soon as possible I think your problems, and the problems he is causing for many others, will evaporate very quickly.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com