Today I can report something very positive direct from the mouth of alleged Sydney breakfast FM radio star, Kyle Sandilands.

Readers will know that anything positive emerging from Kyle’s mouth is big news in itself. But this news is even bigger and better.

Poor old Kyle has had a pretty rough time of it lately after his on-air bust-up with longstanding partner in grime, Jackie Henderson.

His illustrious career catering to a fraction of radio listeners in Australia’s biggest city came to an end this week when his employing network, ARN, announced it was terminating his multi-million-dollar contract.

Everything in his life seems to have spiralled out of control after he verbally attacked Ms Henderson – or Jackie O as she is better known when helping Kyle pollute the Sydney airwaves with their program’s low-grade sexual and scatological content – prompting her to walk out on him and their apparently popular program.

But today I can advise The Bug reader of some positive news delivered to me by Kyle himself after his weeks of angst and turmoil.

Kyle has provided to me on an exclusive basis audience research he commissioned in recent days.

He told me it was aimed at answering charges by critics that he has always been merely an egotistical, overblown, over-promoted, loudmouth with no discernible talent other than appealing to listeners as being the most offensive entity they know.

Kyle told me that the market research firm he used presented a sample of radio listeners with a list of people or objects and asked them to rank them in order from the “most offensive” to “least offensive”.

Kyle says he has emerged from the survey in a very healthy position.

It appears from the top three results that he is not the most offensive person or thing among listeners, that number-one position was held by US President Donald Trump. (below)

Kyle (below left) was ranked in second place on the overall list identified by respondents, just ahead of a large flyblown dog turd in a pre-schooler’s lunchbox. (right below)

Kyle admitted to me that it was a very close-run thing between him and the turd in Tupperware. But he did edge it out although he has not disclosed the quantitative results to me.

He believes this survey should put him in a strong position when seeking a new employer.

Already, Kyle informs me, he has been fielding offers of new jobs that promise the right fit with his talents and skill set, although none from radio stations.

They include recording light-hearted voice-overs for a major Sydney proctology clinic planning to make explanatory videos for patients about to undergo colonoscopies or other invasive procedures, an offer from the producers of the US adult cartoon series South Park to voice the character of Mr Hankey the Christmas Poo (below), and a possible job with Sydney Water to act as host during tours of its sewage treatment plans on planned open days.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com