SYDNEY: Moving and emotion-charged ramping ceremonies have been held here this morning for the three Australian submariners who drowned when the nuclear-powered Los Angeles-class attack submarine the USS Charlotte sank the Iranian Navy frigate IRIS Dena off the southern coast of Sri Lanka earlier this month.

The ceremonies took place at the Australian Navy’s Fleet Base East (HMAS Kuttabul) and to reflect the solemnity of the occasion, Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and Defence Minister Richard Marles both took a leaf out of President Donald Trump’s political playbook by donning red golf caps emblazoned with the words Aussies love AUKUS in a mixture of white and gold sans-serif fonts.

In moving speeches, both hinted at major posthumous bravery awards for all three sailors for showing “total commitment to obeying Australian military law and policy”. They explained how the three hero submariners had told the sub’s captain that while they were proud to be imbedded in such a fine attack vessel, there was no way they could be actively involved in any offensive action against Iran.

And in a joint statement after the ramping ceremonies ended, Albanese and Marles praised the sub’s captain “for giving our lads an out to stay true to their oaths of office”. And Foreign Minister P:enny Wong said that although the tragedy happened too far away for her to see things clearly, she was duty bound not to discuss sensitive in-water matters.

The Bug understands the three fallen Aussie heroes had asked if there was a naughty corner on the submarine that they could stand in while the torpedo attack – the first time since World War 2 that the US has used a torpedo to sink an enemy ship – took place. Otherwise, they could go to their cabins during the attack and put their heads under their pillows? The USS Charlotte captain quickly appreciated their dilemma and their principled stance in defence of Australian sovereignty.

He replied: “Look, this ship is apparently unarmed and we’ve both just been involved in friendly training exercises together so the stupid cunts won’t expect a thing, meaning this is not going to take long at all.

“But if you’re keen to totally distance yourself from this war-crime activity, would you prefer to step outside and wait there for just a little while as we get this trifle of a thing sorted?”

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