CANBERRA: The Albanese Government has ordered the urgent replacement of key images posted last week on its social media feeds relating to the granting of humanitarian visas to members of the touring Iranian women’s soccer team seeking asylum in Australia.

The Department of Home Affairs this morning contacted The Courier-Mail newspaper in Brisbane seeking to acquire a copy of its controversial digitally manipulated front-page photo used in its Wednesday edition last week. (main picture)

“Although there was some criticism of The Courier-Mail‘s image when it first appeared, on second thoughts we now reckon it’s ideal for our purposes,” an unnamed IT officer within the department said.

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SYDNEY: News Crap Australia has welcomed the return to the campaign trail of right-wing Queensland businessman Clive Palmer.

Mr Palmer, leader of the United Australia Party and former federal MP, last week announced plans to stand in the federal seat of Fadden stretching from south of Brisbane to the Gold Coast.

The announcement was greeted positively by the chief financial officer of News Crap Australia, Michael Murphy.

“This is a very positive development for News… I mean for news in general, especially both of our turdbloids covering Fadden – The Courier-Mail and Gold Coast Bulletin,” Mr Murphy said. (below)

“We look forward to the front-page ads… I mean the front-page stories Mr Palmer will no doubt generate as he has done in the past because he is such a Pantone Yellow 101 … I mean, he’s such a colourful individual.

“These will be very important for our revenue.. I mean for our readers, especially in the coming financial … I mean election year,” Mr Murphy said.

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WASHINGTON DC: The Trump administration has finally settled on acceptable terminology to describe the nation’s military action against Iran.

Since the initial attacks launched against Iran key figures from President Trump down have used conflicting descriptions of  the US action taken in conjunction with Israel.

“The verbal gymnastics have been necessary because constitutionally only Congress can approve the nation going to war, yet various people in the administration including the President himself have been using the term ‘war’,” a White House source said.

“So we’ve workshopped the problem and everyone agrees that from now on we’ll all refer to the ‘warish action in Iran’ or ‘the warish US attacks on Iran’.

“That should clear things up nicely,” the spokesperson said.

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