CANBERRA: A surprise would-be contender for the National Party leadership was evicted from the junior coalition partner’s party room just prior to this morning’s meeting called to replace David Littleproud.

Eyewitnesses said the previously unknown MP, calling herself Joyce Barnaby, (main picture) had attempted to join the National Party meeting and place her name into contention for the leadership.

“A few of us were just milling around in the party room waiting for others to arrive,” an unnamed National MP told The Bug.

“Matt Canavan was there making a last-minute pitch to colleagues urging them to vote for him as the party’s first leader of colour. (below)

“Former leader, good old Michael McCormack, (below) was also in the room, we think.

“Then the door opened and this strange woman entered and began buttonholing those of us in the room urging us to vote for her.

“She wasn’t making any sense, especially after she’d cracked and downed a few cans of beer while teetering on a planter box in the corner of the room.

“But she did say that she had recently made ‘a big mistake’ and wanted to redress it by making a ‘return’ to the party leadership.

“None of us had ever clapped eyes on her before but we heard her out. She almost made a convincing case – in between loud belches and uttering some very bizarre metaphors which none of us understood.

“But some in the room were very attracted by her promise that as leader she would be able to guarantee a full-page column at least once a week in Murdoch media tabloids written by a close relative and promoting her and the party’s policies without challenge.

“It was only when Bridget McKenzie walked in that someone tackled this mystery woman – and I mean that literally.

“Bridget went for her in a big way – spear tackling her heavily to the party room floor after which she fled the room.

“The last we saw of her was running down the corridor yelling ‘Pauline, I’m coming back. I made a big mistake’,” the National Party MP said.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com