Newscorpse righter Vikki Campion has taken out The Bug’s Media Glass House trophy for Arse-Licker for the month of February 2026.

The Bug apologises for the delay in announcing her achievement but our ALOTM judges took some days to work our exactly whose arse Vikki was cloacally cleansing with such determined ringmastery and unsurpassed tongue-in-groove excellence.

On day one of deliberations in the ALOTM judging room back on Monday, a general consensus emerged that Vikki was licking the arse of her husband and father of her two boys, the One Nation member for New England Barnaby Joyce. Our judges were sent home for a day while the room was cleaned of a mountain of Bundaberg Rum-flavoured projectile vomit and explosive diarrhoea to which underwear and trousers proved no barrier at all.

When judging recommenced, the general view was that perhaps the recipient of Vikki’s frenzied tongue work – she is, after all, always rimming with confidence – was One Nation’s white indigenous leader Pauline Hanson, since her natural charisma and well-thought-out political manifesto appear destined to make her husband prime minister at the next election after recontesting the lower-house seat of New England after all.

The cleaners were called in again and when judging resumed on Thursday morning, the panel thought that the award should go for Vikki’s overall ability to get to the bottom of things, and from that we mean the arses of her superiors at Newscorpse and more importantly those of Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch who first realised what a brilliant Righter she was and told their Down Under staff to reward the amazing things she herself can do down under!

Of course, there were other things about Vikki’s winning article from the Saturday Telegraph of May 21 that made her a shoo-in for ALOTM glory that moment her entry lobbed into our prize barrel.

Our judges were aware that Vikki most likely had no input into the truly awful headline given to her stink piece – and that’s not to say she’d be hopeless at giving good headline – but the two-barbed general thrust of her anger were so much her own; that senior Australian leaders gushed over Chinese New Year and various Muslim events such as Ramadan but had little or no time to show any passion for Lent and Ash Wednesday in a nation founded on a Judeo-Christian base; and, who would have thunk it, the letting in of really naughty people who have no place here. Blow that dogwhistle, Vikki! It’s your job.

“What if, just for 40 days, the Albanese government abstained from importing people who make no positive contribution to Australia. (Dogs around the nation started howling).

“What if, for just 40 days we stopped borrowing money from overseas, reduced our debts and started slapping down the grifters who keep swiping the government credit card!” Ah, the grift that keeps giving!

Did anyone out there fancy they just heard Pauline Hanson’s sphincter uncontrollably plucking away with normally suppressed memories of past anal assaults.

But if for no other reason, our judges would have given the February ALOTM trophy to Vikki for righting so strongly about the need to preserve our Christian roots! We hear she did not display the slightest of blushes as she penned that, considering she currently gets far too much money for righting the shit she rights because of some very un-Christian-like roots she personally took part in.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site?

Simply click on the Follow sign to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!