SYDNEY: The KIIS-FM commercial radio network has moved quickly to fill the void left by the collapse of its previously successful Kyle and Jacki O breakfast program.

The broadcasting partnership of Kyle Sandilands and Jackie Henderson that lasted more than 20 years ruptured after it was revealed Henderson had quit following an on-air stoush with Sandilands.

“We can’t deny we were taken by surprise by the end of this very lucrative partnership,” a KIIS network spokesperson said.

“But given that the brekkie show hosts had honed a very successful formula for delivering unique content for their program, it hasn’t taken us too long to replicate it.

“So from tomorrow we’ll be replacing Kyle and Jackie O Show with an uninterrupted audio broadcast live from a Sydney Water sewage treatment plant not far from the KIIS North Sydney studios. (main picture)

“We’re pretty confident listeners won’t notice any difference,” the spokesperson said.

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BRISBANE: Queensland’s LNP government denies that the right to protest and freedom of speech are under attack from its new laws making it an offence to utter popular pro-Palestinian phrases such as “from the river to the sea” and “globalise the Intifada”.

“Despite criticisms that the new laws are weighted against the Palestinian cause, they come with safeguards to protect free speech,” a spokesperson for Premier David Crisafulli said.

“The legislation passed by parliament includes the usual provisions for people to protest their innocence if they believe they have been wrongfully charged under the new laws. That includes their right to a trial by judge and jewry.”

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WASHINGTON DC: US President Donald Trump has added a surprise condition to his demand to be involved directly in the selection of Iran’s new leader.

In a shock move, Mr Trump said he believed a woman should lead Iran – a nation that has notoriously and brutally suppressed women’s rights under its radical Islamic regime.

 “I’m well aware that any new female leader of what is currently a very conservative country like Iran needs to be chosen very carefully and I can say that I have extensive experience in that regard,” Mr Trump said.

“I think a system such as the one we used when I owned the Miss Universe pageant would be appropriate.

“The on-stage interview, evening dress contest, and swimsuit section would certainly deliver the type of new leader I think would be very appropriate.

“As always I’m willing to take a hands-on role in that process. Literally,” he added.

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ADELAIDE: Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills has confirmed that he is providing confidential training to Foreign Minister Senator Penny Wong as she handles the crisis created by the US and Israel’s suddenly launched war against Iran.

His Lordship (below) said as Australia’s longest-serving foreign minister he was pleased to offer bipartisan support to help a fellow South Australian handle the various issues confronting the Albanese Government as a result of the new Middle East war.

“Without being immodest I can say that my role in the current kerfuffle is to have Senator Wong adopt three strikingly different poses when appearing in public,” he said. (below)

“These all involve getting the right balance between pouting and pursing your lips, tilting your head, looking somewhat downcast, and speaking in a very serious tone.

“All of the training and discipline that goes into mastering such skills is to ensure our foreign minister, whoever that happens to be at any given time, fulfils their role by saying as little as possible in any public appearances in an effort to cover the fact that they are actually saying nothing,” Lord Downer said.

His Lordship said as a new foreign minister in the Howard Government 30 years ago he had been the recipient and beneficiary of similar training from another ex-foreign minister Andrew Peacock. (below)

“Andrew was definitely the master at achieving the pout/purse balance, looking serious, and saying absolutely nothing in a deep voice,” he added.

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