SURFERS PARADISE: Cynical critics who claim the Trump Tower will never be built here might need a serious rethink after Eric Trump overnight released stunning interior design features of what will be Australia’s tallest building.

Included in the images is the current front-runner design of an amazing four-storey Lolita Lobby (artist’s impression at top and below) that will greet the world’s richest men (and women) as they check in to sample what a young but maybe not so free no-hair Down Under has to offer.

Eric Trump praised this particular image but was at pains in an exclusive chat with The Bug to point out that that one amazing vista alone would eventually have enough gold-plate to just about strip Fort Knox bare.

“If these rich businessmen (and women) from around the globe prefer not to shown to their luxury suites straight away to pop their viagra pills or freshen up their lady bits, they can wait for their girls (and boys!) to arrive by enjoying a drink in one of the many bars that run around the perimeter of the Lolita Lounge, including the Roman Polanski Bar and Girll, the Woody Allen Wine and Spirits Experience or the Gerald “Who’s your father!” Ridsdale Suckcocktail Bar.

While they enjoy their drinks, they can appreciate the piped music played throughout the Lolita Lounge, bars and retail outlets, including on rotation some of Donald Trump’s favourite songs, including Maurice Chevalia’s Thank Heaven for Little Girls, Elvis Presley’s Hey Little Girl, Good Morning Little School Girl by Muddy Waters, the haunting Sweet Little Rock and Roller by Chuck Berry and the Andre Williams’ classic Jail Bait.

Another amazing feature of Trump Tower is that floor numbers only ever go up to 12, which are then repeated over and over again until what should be the top level 92 will actually be the eighth No 9. This is believed to be a world first in high-rise apartment design and has nothing to to with Chinese superstitions or feng shui nonsense.

As another Trump Foundation member explained the reason for this on the condition of anonymity: “As our valued guests make their way up any of our four golden Jeffrey Epstein Memorial escalators – you’ll be amazed how fast they can get up or go down! – from the Lolita Lounge, we want them to take comfort in the fact that they’ll not be confronted with anything over 12.”

“We want hairless and pre-menstrual to be foremost in their minds.

“And that those 1000-baht-a-night Bangkok girls, boys and lady boys and what they had to offer, individually or as a tug-team effort, are but a distant and fading memory.

“Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Boy! Boy! Boy! Or girls.”

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