We are totally shattered here at BUG HQ. And it’s all because we never, ever, seem to learn a basic lesson, namely that at the Heralds in Sydeney Town there are some sub-editors who are clearly the fucking worst to have ever “practised” their craft in the entire history of the printed newspaper.

And we’re pretty sure you BUGgers out there know the reason why we are so down on ourselves that security has removed all knives from our staff kitchen and locked away all our Bundy rum bottles for fear the washed-up, bitter old hacks who compile the MGH might attempt a fatal alcohol overdose on purpose.

Yes, just as we had started to hope – for the umpteenth time – that as self-appointed journalism lecturers, we had finally convinced ourselves that our years’ long campaign to get “subs” at the Heralds to folio (number) pages with a polished and logical professionalism had finally succeeded? What fucking fools we have been!

The latest evidence? Yesterday’s (Friday’s) SMH and the result of some total dunce’s subbing efforts on Thursday night.

The edition had the regular Hardly Normal wraparound with the paper’s ONE and ONLY front or cover page folioed as PAGE ONE! The yarn above spilled from PAGE THREE!

And yet our doopy sub has declared it originated from front page!

So, very regrettably, we’ve dusted off an old tutorial in a fresh bid to educate various “subs” at the Heralds but we’re not sure why …. they clearly haven’t worked well in the past. Our lessons or the subs for that matter. Hence our growing doubt as to why we fucking bother!

Still, are you ready, “Subs”? WE appreciate this tutorial is fairly childish but we do know who we’re dealing with.

Okay, ready? Hands up if this graphic is correct?

Well done, most of you! How about this one?

… and this one?

Okay, so far so good. But here’s where it gets tricky! The following image is from Friday’s edition of the SMH where the production powers-that-be decided to call what you can see below page 1. So hands, ready! Which of the descriptions below accurately reflect that decision?

Yes, the clown right up the front? Yes, well done! Once the decision to call this page PAGE ONE, that’s exactly what it became! By the centuries-old common laws of publishing it also inherited the other monikers of COVER PAGE and FRONT PAGE! And well done, also, to those who didn’t fall for the old PAGE THREE? trick tease at the top left there.

Now hands at the ready again – and we apologise we can’t afford buzzers – here’s PAGE 3 of Friday’s edition that some of you “subs” might have worked on. You might have even been sitting next to the moron in the very colourful clowns outfit who thought – and probably still thinks – that page 3 of a newspaper is the front page!

And it’s called? You up the back? That’s right! PAGE 3! What fucking else would you call it seeing THAT’S WHAT IT’S FUCKING WELL CALLED?!

We’ll also send to these “subs” a fridge magnet we had struck recently.

So it’s farewell from the MGH until those clowns at the Heralds fuck up again!

Oh, but before we go. The SMH subs working Friday night on today’s (Saturday’s) edition were also faced with a Hardly Normal wraparound with one page-three yarn that spilled inside the book. And the clever-clogs of the sub who handled that story had it originating on – get the champagne bottles ready – PAGE THREE! Perhaps stupidly, we feel our educational campaign has a pulse! Have we mentioned how fucking stupid we are?

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