MINNEAPOLIS, MN: A member of President Donald Trump’s cabinet has arrived in the troubled mid-western city of Minneapolis to take “a personal and direct hand” in addressing civil unrest in the wake of two fatal shootings by federal law enforcement officers in the past three weeks.

Speaking soon after landing in the city and conducting a driving tour of protests hotspots, Secretary for Homeland Security, Kristi Noem, said her trip had already paid dividends.

“My visit here is intended to plug a gap in the Trump administration’s response to the recent deaths – probably by suicide, who knows for sure? – of domestic terrorists and potential mass murderers Renee Good and Alex Pretti,” she said.

“It’s very good news that these dangerous individuals were dealt with by our brave ICE agents – or indeed perhaps took their own lives in some sort of orchestrated harakiri or kamikaze pact – and no longer pose a threat to the peace of our great nation.

“But they both probably have left behind pets, most likely dogs, who would no doubt have been trained or brainwashed in their owners’ terrorist ideology and who now also pose a risk to America.

“I believe I am best qualified to take care of that problem and I’ve proved that this morning.

“In just the first hour I have been on the ground here in Minneapolis I have dispatched dozens of dogs who may well have belonged to the two terrorists who are now thankfully rotting in hell. (main picture)

“The radical left, woke, terror-supporting traitors who question my actions today or who attack this administration’s tactics should be thanking us, not trying to destroy our nation.

“They really get my goat,” Secretary Noem said.

She then added while reloading her semi-automatic weapon: “But they shouldn’t forget that I got my goat too.”

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