NUUK: Greenland’s Prime Minister, Jens-Frederik Nielsen, (left in main picture) has been forced to retract a jocular statement he made about US President Donald Trump’s mental capacity.

“In my previous comment I was clearly suggesting that the President (far right and at right in main picture) lacks any comprehension of the basic facts about Greenland,” Ms Nielsen said.

“I was responding to reports out of Washington about his possible next step in his campaign to take over our country.

“In doing so I regretfully used – or misused – the old expression about someone wasting their time and energy by ‘sending coals to Newcastle’.

“I now realise that in his latest remarks the President was literally talking about sending ICE to Greenland.

“I withdraw and apologise to the people of Greenland for my light-hearted but mistaken comment about such a serious matter,” he said.

***

TEL AVIV: Israeli Prime Minister, Benjamin Netanyahu, (below) has changed his mind after initially objecting to US President Donald Trump’s plan to establish a special Board of Peace overseeing the rebuilding of Gaza.

“At first I was afraid that the President’s latest idea – just like the current ceasefire he insisted upon – would continue to severely limit the scope of operations for me and my government and the Israeli Defence Force in Gaza,” Mr Netanyahu said.

“But I now realise that it may actually offer an opportunity to revert to our mass slaughter of Palestinians, but this time under the cover of an international group of supervising nations.

“I can’t wait to top up the 70,000-plus death toll including 20,000 Hamas terrorist children we racked up in just two years – just two years! – with our genocidal campaign in Gaza.

“It just hasn’t been the same during this so-called ceasefire. Only 500 or so dead, and not that many Hamas terrorist children. Pathetic! I know we can do so much better.

“So I’m now all for President Trump’s plan. It perfectly fits my thinking right now because I’m so bored of peace,” he said.

***

BRISBANE: A woman who admits to being a prolific poster on a range of social media forums has appealed to Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, to include a special provision in his proposed hate speech laws to protect her civil rights.

“From what I hear about the proposed new laws, I am very afraid that my freedom of speech will be severely curtailed or, indeed, simply evaporate under the proposal put forward by the Prime Minister,” said Ms Rachel Hay-Tread.

“As far as I can work out, if the laws are applied, I won’t be able to say anything about anyone ever again.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com