A vigil at the bedside of Lord Downer of Adelaide Hills is entering its second day at his family seat Pout House after Australia’s most beloved aristocrat fell ill suddenly on Saturday morning.

A senior under-butler at Pout House said Lord Downer had been in high spirits yesterday morning as he assembled all of Pout House’s hallboys at dawn and issued instructions for them to pack a vast number of steamer trunks with the very best of his goods and chattels.

“I have rarely seen His Lordship so happy,” the under-butler said. “He strode purposefully about Pout House using his ivory-tipped ebony swagger stick to point at items to be packed while trilling some of his favourite airs such as Prithee, Come My Pretty Boy and Fondle You My Jewels, My Lord.

“The hallboys were kept busy packing items ranging from His Lordship’s best top hats, starched collars and shirts, down to several dozen knee-length breeches with falls, a range of pantaloons, calf-high gaiters, and his best Hessians and top boots.

“It was, as you know, a frightfully hot day in the Adelaide Hills yesterday and after just a few minutes of activity His Lordship – ever conscious of the state of his own staff – insisted that the hallboys all work naked.

“His Lordship was careful enough to ensure essential household items such as several 50-place flatware sets, and canteens, right down to his best pewter marrowscoops, were also packed.

“Those of us observing the flurry of activity gleaned its purpose only when Lord Downer was engaged in conversation by his good wife, Lady Downer.

“From their exchange we learned that His Lordship was intent on sailing to the United States to be at the ready to assume his new position as Australia’s Ambassador in Washington.

“Lady Downer, who seemed somewhat wary of his purpose, was overheard telling His Lordship that it was highly unlikely that he would be summoned to service in such a role, to which His Lordship merely scoffed.  

“He continued issuing instructions to the hallboys and his high spirits did not flag .

“But suddenly as His Lordship declared the packing complete and ascended the barouche at the head of the long line of Pout House carriages outside the East Wing porte-cochere, Lady Downer approached and spoke very firmly to him.

“We could not hear all of what was said but did catch Her Ladyship using the words ‘Labor Party’ several times, very loudly.”

The senior under-butler said Lord Downer’s mood immediately changed and he swooned badly, prompting several of the still naked hallboys to rush to the barouch and catch him as he fell to its floor.

“They carried him, on Lady Downer’s instructions, to his upstairs bedroom where he remains drifting in and out of consciousness,” he said. “A vigil quickly assembled to keep watch on His Lordship.

“I am still shocked at how quickly His Lordship’s condition changed and I can do nothing but join other staff in prayer – as directed by Lady Downer – beseeching Our Lord to spare our Lord,” he said.

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