It’s a crying shame that this edition of the MGH is forced to start off with a rather simplistic test far more suited to see how state school kids in the lower grades are faring but now deemed necessary for supposedly well-trained professionals practising the craft of journalism.

Which means, sadly, that these tests – call them a tutorial if you like – are aimed at the sad-sack dunces who subedit editions of The Sydney Morning Herald and The Sun-Herald.

Okay, ready? Hands up if this graphic is correct?

Well done, most of you! How about this one?

… and this one?

Okay, so far so good. But here’s where it gets tricky! The following image is of yesterday’s (Thursday’s) edition of the SMH where the production powers-that-be decided to call what you can see below page 1. So hands, ready! Which of the descriptions below accurately reflect that decision?

Yes, the bloke right up the front? Yes, well done! Once the decision to call this page PAGE ONE, that’s exactly what it became! By the centuries-old common laws of publishing it also inherited the other monikers of COVER PAGE and FRONT PAGE!

Now hands at the ready again – and we apologise we can’t afford buzzers – here’s PAGE 3 of yesterday’s edition. And it’s called? You up the back? That’s right! PAGE 3! What fucking else would you call it?!

And you’d have to be a fucking useless sub if you had plonked your arse down for a shift on Wednesday night and not bothered to ask how the Thursday edition was to be folioed, seeing it had a fairly regular Hardly Normal wraparound.

Yet, here’s what that lazy, incompetent sub did….

That’s right! From fucking front page! After monitoring the Heralds for the past month and truly believing that our campaign – that started just after Ukraine first invaded Russia – to get SMH subs to folio their pages properly was finally done and dusted, this clown on Wednesday night has brought it very much back to life.

Looks like we might very well be back to regular goes at the SMH subs hub, especially when some moron there keeps calling page three of a printed newspaper the fucking FRONT PAGE.

That would mean we’re only a week away from maybe another trifecta; SMH subs anxious to rush out for a fag will call page three the cover page, the front page and the one that really gives us the irits – page 1!

As one of the old, washed up and bitter hacks who compile this column said just this morning: “I can’t fucking believe our educational campaign has to restart. I’m so bitterly disappointed I’m going to give the grog a real nudge for a week over this!”

“Will we be able to tell?” a colleague responded.

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com