Mattell adds another Barbie to range

US-based global toy maker Mattel has announced plans to further expand its range of popular Barbie dolls.

This week it said it was launching an Autistic Barbie (below) to broaden the appeal of its iconic doll range and better represent the diverse nature of modern society.

It has now followed up that news with an announcement heralding the imminent release of Morbidly Obese Barbie. (main picture)

A statement from Mattell said children would be able to “feed” the new doll which would feature an electronic voice that uttered phrases such as “Oh, I shouldn’t”, or “Just the one won’t hurt”, and “I’ll start the diet tomorrow” when being offered food.

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Prime Minister, Anthony Albanese, has announced a replacement for Kevin Rudd as Australia’s ambassador to Washington.

The former Labor prime minister this morning revealed he had taken a new job with a global think-tank and would depart Washington soon.

Mr Albanese said in considering Mr Rudd’s potential replacement he had weighed up all of the skills needed in an ambassador to deal with US President Donald Trump and his administration.

“As a result I have settled on another Kevin – but this time it’s Kevin James, a long-serving cage and animal enclosure cleaner at Sydney’s Taronga Park Zoo,” Mr Albanese said. (below)

“I believe this Kevin will show the necessary skills in handing the river of shit that spews from all corners of the Trump administration 24/7.”

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The animal research world is in mourning following the death in Japan of Ai, the 49-year-old female chimpanzee famous for her cognitive skills. (below)

Kyoto University said Ai had died of old age and organ failure.

Born in western Africa, Ai was taken to the university in 1977 as part of a project researching the chimpanzee mind and learned how to use numbers as well as how to identify colours.

“These rudimentary skills were quite well developed in Ai so we are very sad at her death which means the end of the lengthy research we have been conducting with her,” a university spokesperson said.

“Luckily when it comes to studying the primate mind we are continuing another, top-secret project based in Washington DC where we are having great success after strategically shaving an orangutan apart from the top of his head, putting him into a dark blue suit with a red tie, and teaching him how to behave almost like a human being, but not quite.”

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