ADELAIDE IN CRISIS:

ADELAIDE: Three new bombshells have hit the Adelaide Festival’s Writers’ Week already reeling from a public backlash for banning Palestinian author Randa Abdel-Fattah, a boycott by headline writers previously scheduled to appear, and the weekend resignation of its chair and several directors.

Spokesperson for Adelaide Writers’ Week, Stan Czar, said the 2026 event faced the real prospect of being cancelled until yesterday when an American writer was signed to appear and fill the void left by the boycott.

“With so many writers dropping out to protest the exclusion of Ms Abdel-Fattah we were faced with literally having nobody left on the program,” Mr Czar said. “But luckily we were able to sign up a little-known author from Los Angeles who, admittedly, has just one book to his name.

“I’m a bit sketchy on details and all I know is that he is a Mr Pinsky (at left in main picture) whose sole work is a coffee table book titled One Hundred Girls I’d Like to Pork which he produced while undertaking an adult education course at community college in the late 1980s .

“It’s a very simple concept and as the title suggests, it consists of 100 chapters. Chapter One: Kathleen Turner. Chapter Two: Cybill Shepherd. Chapter Three: Suzanne Pleshette. Chapter Four: The Girl in the Taco Commercial. It’s definitely has a 1980s’ vibe, but you get the drift.

“However, no sooner had we announced Mr Pinsky as our new – and sole – headline attraction, we were hit by a deluge of accusations that we were promoting sexism and objectification of woman. So we had to break it to Mr Pinsky that he won’t be coming to Adelaide.”

Mr Czar said a second hit the Writers’ Week event took at the weekend was the collapse of a rescue plan put forward by News Crap Australia’s national broadshit.

“Those directors remaining on the Writers’ Week board met to consider an offer from The Australian to underwrite this year’s event and have all of its columnists fill the gaps left by those authors who’ve withdrawn,” he said.

“But The Australian‘s offer was conditional on changing the name of the event to Adelaide Righters’ Week, and directors didn’t like that idea.”

Mr Czar said the third blow to strike the event was a column appearing today in News Crap Australia publications written jointly by Lord and Lady Downer of Adelaide Hills. (far right and at right in main picture)

“The problem is not the column itself,” he explained. “It’s full of the usual right-wing guff we have come to expect from the pompous Lord Downer and his family. (below)

“The problem is more in its style. It’s supposed to be a joint column but starts with the line: ‘As a migrant to Australia I have had the privilege of working in the Australian arts scene for more than 30 years.’

“Soon after the voice changes with the line: ‘As enthusiastic attendees and financial supports, we have looked forward to the program each year.’

“Then it switches back to: ‘More than 25 years ago I was part of the Adelaide Festival Board that persuaded director Peter Sellars to resign.’

“Obviously it is written by Lady Downer and the arrogant Lord Downer has just inserted himself into the byline.

“But I fear that by illogically mixing ‘I’ and ‘we’ the column will make outsiders wonder what the point of an Adelaide Writers’ Festival is when two of our city’s prominent citizens can’t write to save themselves.

“At the very least, I would have thought that in this day and age a couple such as Lord and Lady Downer would be more careful in their righting when it came to their choice of pronouns,” Mr Czar said.

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