Canberra: Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has bowed to growing pressure and will now hold a royal commission into the Bondi Beach massacre.

Mr Albanese in a hastily arranged media call in the PM’s garden at Parliament House released the name of the RC here this morning and outlined its scope, objectives, timelines and costs.

It’s full name? The Royal Commission into the Causal Effects of Rising Anti-Semitism Around the World But With Particular Emphasis On Its Disgraceful Surge in Australia.

Scope: The royal commissioners will hold both public and private sessions during its term to eradicate this disgusting displays of anti-semitism against a cherished section of our community, attacks totally at odds with our image of a supposedly multicultural and tolerant nation.

It will examine the extent to which Irael’s genocide in Gaza that has led to the deaths of perhaps  a half a million innocent Gazan citizens, including perhaps 50,000 children, has sparked this surge in anti-semitism in Australia and around the globe, culminating in the tragic murders of 15 innocent members of our beloved Jewish community at Bondi Beach.

The Commissioners will examine fully and offer constructive recommendations, including a major advertising campaign, to explain that it’s not nice to target the many decent Jews in Australia at their places of worship, businesses, homes and religious gatherings on the assumption that they are anything like the murderous Zionist cunts who govern Israel, including wanted war criminal Benjamin Netanyahu and his Cabinet cut-Gazan-throats who have vowed there will never be a Palestinian state anywhere in Greater Israel.

The RC should also cast its mind and offer constructive advice to government as to how handle the handful of full-blown and unrepentant Zionist peak Jewish bodies in Australia who have declared that any criticism of genocidal Israel is anti-semitic.  It will consider whether all of these Jewish peak bodies with the exception of the Jewish Council of Australia should be proscribed as terrorist organisations and to examine legal ways by which Australia could deport all their leaderships, ensuring the nation can finally be free of these dreadful Zionist cunts from the Pacific to the Indian oceans.

The RC will also examine whether anyone would face any serious charges if they grabbed a chaff bag and dumped all those automatically and repeatedly conflating criticism of Israel and antisemitism way out to sea.

Mr Albanese ended his short statement by saying the membership of the RC, its expected starting and completions date and cost would be announced soon.

STOP PRESS: NSW police are attempting to lure NSW Senator Dave Sharma away from the cliffs at Sydney’s South Head where he is threatening to jump unless the “weak” Prime Minister immediately cancels his decision to hold that sort of anti-semitism royal commission.

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