Melbourne family’s nights of terror!

MELBOURNE: Despite 24-hour police and private security protection, a local family continues to be the victims of “sickening and depraved” overnight attacks on their charming Balaclava cottage since Sunday.

“This family is scared to death by these sickening and depraved attacks,” police told us.

“Divers persons have been stopping outside the home with their numberplates covered and throwing rotting food all over the front of the residential property.

“Last night it was dozens of rotting meat pies. Monday night it was spoilt sausage rolls; hot dogs the night before.

Police believe they have a prime suspect for these attacks but The Bug contacted the VAOOPMP,SR&HDR* who have denied any involvement in the attacks.

Those under attack are the Melbourne Cricket Ground pitch curator Matt Page (pictured) and his family.

* The Victorian Association of Over-Priced Meat Pies, Sausage Rolls and Hot Dog Retailers.

***

The legal world is mourning following the unexpected and so far unexplained death today of Federal Court judge, Justice Barry Sturr.

Justice Sturr was found dead at his Noosa holiday home today having returned from presiding over an emergency court case in Brisbane.

“We are yet to determine a possible cause of death,” a Queensland Police spokesperson said. “We understand the judge had no health issues and was in top physical condition.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com