FEDERAL POLITICS:

A furious Auntie Pauline, national leader of the White Indigenous One Nation peoples, has berated The Bug this morning over its news flash posted yesterday that Barnaby Joyce had quit her party after only a few days as a member and future NSW Senate candidate.

“That’s absolute nonsense. We sacked him and I’ll tell you why!” Aunty Pauline said in that hesitant, wavering voice she puts on to promote the notion that she’s a decent battler who has bravely risen way above the station in life; that she’s as common and ignorant and unable to complete full sentences and often butchers the King’s English just like her “never done senior” One Nation supporter base does.

The leader of the White Indigenous One Nations mob who has proudly led the Flakeandchips peoples of the Chickensalt region (Ipswich), a sub-section of the wider Lockyer Valley bodgieandwidges tribe, and who for time memorial have offered a deep-sea mullet, large chips and a can of coke to other tribes at a very reasonable price in exchange for lubras was so angry when she spoke to us that she had trouble forming the words she wanted to use even if she’ll never know what they mean.

“Mr Joyce was ineligible to be a member of my One Nation political party because he failed the No1 test for admission – he might have been born here but one of his parents and possibly half of his four grand-parents weren’t.

“I’ll accept our membership admissions scrutiny failed miserably and should have detected that one of Mr Joyce’s parents was born in New Zealand! Once I was alerted to that he had to go!

“To qualify for One Nation membership, applicants, their parents and both maternal and paternal grandparents must be Australian born. And white of course. The proof of indigenous white heritage for at least three generations is so, so important to ensure we don’t have members who have been conned into liking or even respecting dar .. those who call themselves the First Australians.

“Don’t get me wrong. I’m shattered Mr Joyce can no longer be with us. His policy stances are all over the place like a chook with its head cut off, he gives media calls that are often absolute train wrecks just as mine are and, most importantly of all, he aced his entry IQ test that showed he’s even dumber than I am, an absolute prerequisite for membership of Pauline Hanson’s One Nation Party.”

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