FORMULA ONE:

BRISBANE: A leading researcher says he is 100% confident that there has been no negative response among sports fans to the failure of Australian driver Oscar Piastri (main picture) to secure this year’s Formula One world championship.

Britain’s Lando Norris secured enough points to clinch the F1 world title after overnight finishing third in the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix behind Max Verstappen and Piastri.

Professor Jim Nastic, lecturer in sports psychology at Griffith University, said he was certain that not a single sports fan would be disappointed at the outcome.

“Listening to media reports today anyone would think the nation and all sports fans are in mourning over the F1 championship result,” Professor Nastic said.

“But I can confidently say that’s not the case. I base that on the fact that Formula One and any form of motor racing is not actually a sport.

“Drivers sit on their overpaid arses in high-powered, high-tech, computer-riddled metal cages on wheels and are helped by a dozen-strong support crew in the pits and just flatten the accelerator and, by the way, pump tons of climate unfriendly emissions into the air. How the fuck can that be defined as a sport?

“Just like golf, darts, or tenpin bowling, F1 racing is certainly not a sport so how can its followers be termed ‘sports fans’ and how can they be disappointed at Piastri’s performance?”

Professor Nastic did concede a slight distinction between motor racing and golf, darts, and tenpin bowling when it came to the definition of a sport.

“I qualify my remarks by pointing out that there is a minute difference between F1 racing and those other three non-sports – ‘pastimes’, if you will,” he said.

“Even world championships in golf, darts, and tenpin can all be won – and in the past have been won – by morbidly obese, shivering alcoholics.

“F1 is different in that respect. A drunken bargearse wouldn’t fit in an F1 car’s cockpit and drink-driving is a no-no under the rules laid down by its peak body, the International Automobile Federation.

“But that’s where the difference starts and finishes,” Professor Nastic said.   

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com