WASHINGTON, DC: The White House has stepped up its campaign to discredit photos taken on the island owned by convicted paedophile, the late Jeffrey Epstein, released by Democrats in the US Congress.

“President Trump is totally innocent of any of the allegations being levelled against him,” presidential press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, forcefully declared at the start of a press pool briefing.

“Those making these allegations are radical left-wing woke terrorists using the complicit unpatriotic fake news media to mount treasonous attacks on the greatest US President of all time,” she said before being asked to clarify if her comments referred specifically to the trove of pictures of various Epstein Island locations released earlier this week. (main picture and below)

“No, it was just a general pre-emptive cover-all denial and protestation of the President’s innocence on whatever you reptilian scum were going to ask me about,” Ms Leavitt replied. “But I guess it applies to those photos. Sure.”

Ms Leavitt said the Epstein Island photos showed there was no telling “how low Democrats would go” in their efforts to discredit the President.

“These treasonous Democrats are trying to destroy the very fabric of American politics,” she said.

“For that they should be immediately jailed for life, or executed without trial, or deported by ICE. In fact I can probably arrange for all three.”

***

SYDNEY: Football Australia says it expects a new top-secret team now in training will secure a place in the grand final of the next FIFA World Cup.

“Australians will be both surprised and proud when our new men’s Socceroos team takes to the field in the World Cup grand final in the USA in July 2026,” a spokesperson said.

“We have been secretly assembling and training a new squad of Socceroos (below) and we believe they are the ones who will finally deliver a World Cup to Australia.”

The Football Australia representative was speaking following the draw for the initial group stage of next year’s men’s World Cup being hosted by the USA, Mexico, and Canada starting in June.

“The Socceroos will face the United States, Paraguay, and a team that is yet to qualify, in the initial group stage next year,” the spokesperson said.

“Normally we would expect our Socceroos to exit the competition at that stage after being inevitably defeated by either the USA or Paraguay and certainly by the team that is so far unknown. But not this time, I tell you. Just watch this space.”

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com