The column that has fun with the smaller mistakes and missteps of Australia’s mainstream mediocre; that pays homage to those sweet little fishes that individually don’t amount to a full meal but collectively can cause a tummy upset over the overall state of the once great and noble craft of journalism in this country.

“Shit, this under-16 social media ban is one heck of a beat-up,” one of the bitter, twisted old hacks who compile this column declared loudly this morning (Thursday).

And what caused his outburst as he sat in one of The Bug’s 26 media monitoring booths on mezzanine level 3 at Bug HQ, head phones on and a Bundy and rum in hand?

He had been watching the ABC’s News Breakfast program for column items and heard newsreader Charles Brice reminding viewers that the official start of the teen social-media ban was just days away.

And then Brice said this: “Scores of Aussie kids will soon be unable to log into their Instagram, Facebook and Threads account.”

Scores! Really, Charles? That’s at least 40. And to use scores, surely a logical upper limited would be, say, 100? 120? Late one hundreds at most? Shirley, anything over 200 and you’d say “hundreds”, wouldn’t you?

Our compiler again: “We know there’s a very high chance that Charles Brice didn’t write this shit he was forced to read out but you still feel sorry for him.

“Well, that’s unless the grim reality is that the report is accurate – apologies to News Breakfast in advance if that’s so -and it really is only scores of kids who will be affected by this ban?

“Which would make this world-first attempt by the Albanese government to protect young minds from the dangers posed by various online social-media platforms a fucking monster beat-up that I’ll be nominating for one of our major annual media awards!”

---

***

We might have to put former Brisbane journo colleague and equally former but still highly respected TV newshound Dean Felton on the Bug payroll* if we continue to pilfer his regular Facebook offerings on media.

Here’s what he had to say yesterday: “Great to see the local media doing its bit to foster positive Anglo-Australian sporting relations ahead of the Second Test. It might be working, too; Stokes sounded like a man already beaten at his presser today.”

We just hope Dean didn’t have to pay to snare that Courier splash. No-one at The Bug would outlay one red cent to get their hands on a copy of the Bowen Hills branch of the LNP’s newsletter. And why would they? Just like at The Bug office, the homes of all our staff members have more than adequate backup supplies of Sorbent/Wondersoft/etc, to make sure an alternative is never, ever, needed.

*Editor’s comment: We’re serious, Dean. If you want to join us in a permanent Bug position, we’ll guarantee you the exact same pay deal all existing Bug staffers enjoy. That’s our promise to you!

Want to be alerted immediately a new blog hits Australia’s longest running and most offensive satire site? Simply click on the Follow sign or the link below to be emailed new yarns the moment they are uploaded! The very second we go far too far – and trust us we will – you can then quickly unfollow via the three dots!

Follow The Bug Online on WordPress.com