The release of The Bug‘s Media Glass House Arse-Licker for November 2025 award was unfortunately delayed for a few days by a legal threat from the month’s eventual runaway winner.

Sky LNPNews host and Australia’s most-read newspaper story-teller Andrew Bolt got wind of his victory and immediately sooled his legal people onto The Bug, demanding that “in view of the outstanding and unmatched level of arse-licking that our client displayed in his winning performance Mr Bolt should be granted the trophy’s naming rights and we demand he replace Janet Albrechtsen immediately”.

It’s taken several days for The Bug to search for a pro-bono lawyer’s advice on whether it should bow to the demands of Bolt’s top silks but we’ve decided to go ahead with the announcement of our November winner and just see how things pan out. It would cost us money we don’t have to change the trophy.

“Look, there’s no doubt that Bolt’s rambling and lengthy discourse on how Net Zero and renewals would cause enormous damage to the Australian environment was undoubtedly the best we’ve ever seen and we suspect you could safely eat a meal off Rupert and Lachlan Murdoch’s arses right now,” one of our senior judges explained.

“They won’t need to use dunny paper for quite a while after Bolt’s supreme ring-masterly and cloacal cleaning efforts and he deserves to be rimming with unparalleled confidence right now.

“His total devotion to coal and gas as the only on-going solution to Australia’s energy needs was breath-taking, just like his tongue. His tonguework was so invasive that the Murdochs might not even have to floss for a while.

“He rolled out the usual “when the wind doesn’t blow and the sun doesn’t shine” lines that we thought Chris Uhlmann had trademarked but the overall theme of his attack – that transmission lines needed to bring renewable energy to the cities would just about deforest the entire nation and rid the country of birdsong – really impressed us.

The wacko, woke, climate-change nutters (our words) would destroy the world while trying to save it, Bolt declared. Net zero would cause many, many, disasters but Australia’s best storyteller wanted this edition of The Bolt Report to concentrate on the enormous environmental damage coming our way!

As one of our other judges said: “I’ll bet my dried-up old balls that the before and after images of some country NSW road west of Dubbo losing its lovely tree-lined visage for such ugly lines could also take out The Bug‘s other uncoveted media award for the Beat-Up of the Year.

“It looks like the power line stanchions are going to take turns straddling this road with the lines themselves right about the road’s centre line! It’s bound to affect radio reception for motorists.”

“Our best bet as cynical old washed up hacks is that these photos might not be in the same area, and what the picture on the right depicts may have fuck all to do with transmission lines needed to take wind-and-solar generated power to where it’s needed.

And, good Lord, the deaths of so many breeds of our beautiful wild birdlife caused by this wanton Net-Zero driven obsession!

Hundreds were killed by the trees’ destruction. Many, many, more that we don’t know about. And Bolt could be forgiven if he had broken down and cried when he told his viewer that one of the injured birds taken to a Mudgee vet had already died!

LATE UPDATE: While Andrew Bolt is grateful the fainting spells have subsided, he is still very upset and angry this morning after a Sky LNPNews staffer played a cruel practical joke on him, putting a fake business document in his intray stating that the Murdochs had considerable financial interests in companies that provide many regional and rural councils around the nation with heavy road-maintenance and tree-trimming and removal equipment services.

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