and some are not, as my dad used to say!

With the high temperatures we’ve already endured over recent weeks, some of youse BUGgers out there might be amazed to hear the southern-hemisphere summer only starts today.

So, will it continue to be a stinker or maybe even worse? Well, slip, slop and slap away and please still venture out as you will be safe throughout December if you follow the wise advice of The Bug‘s very own, internationally renowned, never-been-wrong, soothsayer Kisma Aryias.

SAGITTARIUS – November 22 – December 21

You wonder if you’re the only person who supported Pauline Hanson’s latest burqa stunt in Parliament, but purely on the basis that it really does improve her looks.

CAPRICORN – December 22 – January 19

You hear on the grapevine that Joel Edgerton might be a hot Oscar tip for Train Dreams but then realise academy members would have to stay awake long enough to really appreciate his brooding and often solitary performance.

AQUARIUS – January 20 – February 18

You lie awake in bed all night staring at the ceiling and fretting over the possibility that you’re the only person in the nation who cringes and moans audibly whenever you watch a Richard Marles reply in Parliamentary Question Time.

PISCES – February 19 – March 20

You feel just a little bit sorry for all the CSIRO staff who are being sacked so we can afford those $380 billion nuclear subs we’ll probably never get yet Richard Marles and our naval chiefs remain totally convinced will get right up China’s arse in super-quick time and make them behave themselves.

ARIES – March 21 – April 19

You suspect the above Pisces star sign refers to those subs that, even if we do get them by maybe the late 2040s at double that $380 billion price tag, if indeed that still exists, China will have long possessed the necessary technology – underwater killer drones, etc, if they don’t already have them – to blow the fuckers momentarily out of the water over just a few days, max, before then concentrating on the sub hubs we’re building at great expense for the Yanks around the joint, tarting up joint military bases in places like Darwin and of course Pine Gap …. OKAY, ENOUGH ALREADY!….we do carry on sometimes.

TAURUS – April 20 – May 20

You do accept the notion that The Bug often pushes the envelope way too far when trying to make a point.

GEMINI – May 21 – June 20

You are absolutely astounded to read usually very reliable reports that by next year, China will be in a such a position of military superiority to clearly be able to defeat the United States in any major conflict. And why are you astounded? Mainly because you thought that threshold had been reached some years ago, something Captain Bone-Spurs and Secretary of War Pete Pisshead simply will never accept.

CANCER – June 21 – July 22

After reading somewhere that shadow Treasurer Ted O’Brien thinks the Opposition front bench is awash with amazing talent, you try hard to find out his upcoming stand-up dates, venues and time because you hear he simply has to be seen live to really appreciate just how funny he is.

LEO – July 23 – August 22

Because the vast majority of people rightly condemn the sort of metaphorical and actual violence Donald Trump has injected into public discourse, you are taken aback when you find almost total community support for your idea of a new law making it perfectly legal to punch out the lights of anyone calling themselves an “influencer”.

VIRGO – August 23 – September 22

You can’t believe your luck when walking down a dimly lit laneway late at night yet armed with a 3.5kg Duncan Fearnley cricket bat, you came face to face with the I-phone designer who put the space and return keystroke panels too fucking close together and who clearly didn’t give a flying fuck for people with thick fingers or thumbs.

LIBRA – September 23 – October 22

You really do hope that icky feeling will soon diminish after you accidentally turned on your radio for just a few seconds to Ian McNamara’s Australia All Over.

SCORPIO – October 23 – November 21

A regular, long-time, watcher of ABC News Breakfast, you start to wonder if there’s anyone at the Weather Bureau who’s not a senior meteorologist.

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