FEDERAL POLITICS:

Any hopes that Shadow Treasurer Ted O’Brien might have harboured about one day being a Liberal Prime Minister have been dashed by a dreadful mixup while undergoing plastic surgery in Maroochydore overnight.

As soon as Parliament rose for the year, Mr O’Brien (pictured above) flew to the coastal town in his Sunshine Coast electorate of Fairfax for plastic surgery that he hoped would “make him look like the greatest Australian prime minister ever”.

The Bug understands the ambitious MP first realised something had gone wrong after the operation when he awoke this morning in the Frank Nicklin wing of the Sir Johannas Bjelke-Petersen Private Hospital for God’s Chosen Few in Maroochydore and started calling nursing staff “comrade”.

Worried also by thoughts that kept recurring that he hoped those staff members had a decent wage that kept pace with inflation and that they were fully unionised, Mr O’Brien asked for a mirror and was obviously shocked by what he saw.

With Mr O’Brien too distressed to talk to The Bug, a senior adviser in the Shadow Treasurer’s Canberra Office explained what happened.

“Our boss knew he had no future in politics because he looked far too much like that fucking cunt of a disaster, that happy clapping duplicitous dog turd, Scott Morrison.

“He has an old state school mate who is now one of the nation’s leading plastic surgeons and our boss thought he knew him well enough to just keep repeating during the consultation process that he simply wanted to “look like the greatest Australian Prime Minister ever”.

“It never dawned on the boss to take with him a photo of a middle-aged Sir Robert Menzies or even mention Ming’s name. And he had no idea his childhood friend was a woke Commie cunt who doesn’t understand that only the Liberals can manage economies well.

“Now the poor bastard is sitting in recovery trying to make a list of major economic and societal reforms that he’d like to introduce to Australia if he ever became PM. So far, he’s come up with nothing and all it’s done is given him a fucking headache.

“He didn’t need this seeing he’s been striving so hard since the 2025 election to fully understand the ‘debit in, credit out’ theory at the heart of basic book-keeping.”

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